Peachy Keen

1. I’m pretty excited that we’ve already got a good pool of presidential candidates. This time last year I was very worried that we didn’t have anybody! Too soon to call who’s going to get the nod, but it should be an interesting race. If those elephants hold on to power, though, someone’s going to have some serious explaining to do.

He’s such a handsome fellow. And I would just like to state for the record that I liked him before he became Mr. Popular.

2. I was lecturing my cat last night about being a stubborn ass. She somehow has worms (gross!!) and she’s being difficult and won’t take her medicine. I keep telling her that if she doesn’t cooperate we’re going to have to go to the VET which she HATES. They’re scared of her, too. She’s even got a note in her file saying she’s a little shit difficult cat and needs several vet assistants present.

She’s such a cute little thing, though.

3. I have terrible taste in movies. I can watch just about anything and find some entertainment value. I feel sorry for those people who only watch movies to get some deeper meaning out of a film—they miss out on good laughs and brainless humor! My friend and I went and saw Because I Said So (chick flick!). We usually go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day but I have class on Wednesday so this was like our V-Day date. She’s mad I’m ditching her so she has already picked out the bottle of wine she will drink herself on Wednesday.

But the movie was pretty cute. And one the guys in it is scorchin! I mean, it’s a “romantic comedy” which of course always has the same plot “boy likes girl, boy dates girl, they break up for some reason, girl wants boy back, boy says no, eventually changes his mind, happily ever after.” But that’s why we watch them, isn’t it?

4. I had a follow-up doctor’s appointment today. Things are still healing well after the surgery, but he can tell that there’s some serious inflammation up there. This means I am very allergic to something, but because they’ve already tested me for everything they can test for, there’s no way to really know what it is out there. This annoys me greatly. So now I’m on a nasal steroid that I have to take twice a day, but it should help with the ridiculous sneezing and such. Eventually I’ll probably be able to get off the spray once I’m away from the allergen – which I really think is my job.

Time to sharpen that resume.


So. How was your weekend?

A short post for Adam Solomon

Because Adam is so busy and important and my long-winded posts are causing him to get behind on his all-important Ivy League homework, here is a short post for him.

This made me laugh---

But I think it's a good thing that we've got several candidates out already. A year ago I was really worried that we weren't going to have anybody.

Speaking of worried, I was putting some lotion on last week and I noticed that I have a big freakin gap between my nasal bone and my septum.

I mean, I knew the surgery involved taking some bone out, but I didn't know I'd be able to feel it! So that kind of gave me the heebie-jeebies. So does putting a picture of myself on my blog, but hey, I drew an arrow on my face so that makes it OK.

And I know you were really concerned that I'd have a hard time shoe-shopping, but I think I found the silver shoes I'll be buying for my friend's wedding. Not too tall of a heel, and the sparkles will look good with the little buckle thing on the dress.

The end.

A Beautiful Pea-Green Boat

I would like to thank the Academy…

I was just looking over the Oscar nominations, and I’m very pleased to see that Little Miss Sunshine (the best movie of 2006) got a Best Picture nod, as did Abigail Breslin, AKA “Superfreak.”



I don’t think it will win, but it might be a dark horse. I think Scorsese will finally take home Best Director (it’s about time, too). My money is on “Babel,” even though I haven’t seen it. “The Queen” might have a close shave yet, though.

I love that I act like I know what I’m talking about.

Did anyone see Salma Hayek and that other guy announcing the nominees? It was pretty run-of-the-mill boring, but when the Best Actress nominations were announced, Salma Hayek was adorable when Penelope Cruz was announced as a nominee:



(You only have to watch the first teeny bit of the video to see her reaction)

Some people are saying that she was dumb and unprofessional, but I thought it was sweet! They are well-known friends and are both Latina powerhouses, so why wouldn’t she be excited for her?? And no, gentlemen, I’m very sorry to tell you they are not a lesbian couple.

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In other news, I got my allergy test results back to see why on earth my sinuses got so out of control.

Yeah. I tested negative for everything.

This annoys me greatly. I want to know why it got so bad that I had to have damn surgery. It’s not enough for me to know that it will get better now. I want to know why it was messed up in the first place!!

Grr. I’m going to demand that we do more tests—after all, the first one wasn’t exhaustive. It just tests for the most common allergies, and I am clearly a freak so I should have a freak allergy.

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But when life gets you down, especially on January 24th, you can always visit YouTube and find yourself a funny cat video.

Enjoy.

MLK Day

Ugh, back to life as we know it. The students are back to classes today, so you’d think I’d be busy, but I still have nothing to do! But that gives me primo time to post an update.

Sinus recovery is still going well. I had my post-op appointment on Thursday and doc said the healing is going well and that I’m obviously doing my sinus rinse like a good girl. Then I had some blood drawn to check for allergies—he’s pretty convinced that since it was a chronic infection without polyps or tumors or some reason for the fiasco that it must be an allergy issue that has developed in the last couple of years.

Bet you 50 bucks that the lab results will say I’m allergic to mold and/or dust. Now more than ever I’m convinced that it’s the building where I work. But we shall see. I don’t want to jump to conclusions before I know for sure.

But let me tell you about the sinus rinse. I bought it a few months ago (back when I was still optimistic) to hopefully prevent sinus surgery (which obviously didn’t work), but it’s also used post-surgery to clear out the after effects.

It. Is. Disgusting.

Disgusting.

Chunks, people. Big ol clods of mucous and blood. It’s like gross red egg yolks coming out of my nose.

I’ll bet you appreciated that visual, didn’t you?

But every time it comes out, it feels oh so good.

And I bought myself a get-well present.

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This weekend I headed to the coast to put some new feet on my car. She wasn’t in total dire straits for tires, but the time was coming soon and I wanted to do it now while I could afford it.

My dad is a mechanic who owns his own business, so it’s pretty handy. I get a good deal on service for my car, and I know it will be done right. Not to mention, whenever my car makes a funny sound, I just call dad and say “What does this mean?”

So I got new tires and an oil change, and then dad went hog wild and put a new drive axle on her as well as new wiper blades and a new headlight. He’s funny like that. Then the punk wouldn’t let me pay for it!

I am independent to a fault. I know this about myself—I need to learn to rely on people sometimes, but it’s hard for me. I paid my way through school (hell, I still am), and I pay all my own bills and all of that since I was 18. My parents would have helped if they could, but just weren’t financially able to. In the end, that helped me because now I’m self-reliant unlike all (and I do mean all) of my friends whose parents help them pay car payments, car insurance, student loans, rent, and even groceries. It’s a good feeling to know I am taking care of myself and I don’t need my parents to bail me out at the age of 25.

Anyway, enough of that rant. My dad paid for my $600 bill (which is much less for him, really since he got everything at cost) because he said he was never able to help me before. It was really sweet, and I only argued with him a little. He forgot to wash and wax her, though. ;)

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In other news, I started classes last week, and it looks to be an interesting term. In one of my classes I have to do…wait for it…a book report.

Saywhat?

Yes, a bona fide book report that we all did in like the seventh grade. But it gets better. Not only do I have to do a book report, I have to present it in front of the class on an overhead projector. As in one of those old school transparencies also from the seventh grade. This is mandatory—I cannot do PowerPoint.

It’s so retro.

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A/B. I finally saw V for Vendetta and its complete brilliance inspired me to go out and buy a copy of it for myself the very next day.

Brilliant.

Welcome to a new year

I finally got the call late Thursday night that I was to report to the hospital at 7am. I was very happy about this because they originally estimated my time to be 10am and I would have been starving by then since I couldn’t eat or drink after midnight on Thursday.

So mom and I head to the hospital, and I check in just before 7. I was only in the waiting room for about 5 minutes before they called my name, so mom and I headed to the back. They put us in the prep room, where I changed into a gown and relaxed on the gurney. I don’t know why, but I wasn’t nervous at all. They took my vitals and then made an attempt to put my IV in. Unfortunately, since you can’t drink after midnight the night before, I was dehydrated. She pricked my hand several times before giving up and moving to my wrist. They don’t usually like to put IV’s in your wrist, but it seems to work fine for me.

They start with a lovely cocktail of fluids and a sedative to “relax you.” Within five minutes, I was HIGH AS A KITE, people. Couldn’t stop laughing, which of course made the nurses laugh. This is the glory of never taking drugs in your life. When you have surgery, it makes it that much more fun!

They rolled my high as a kite self back into the OR and I said bye to my mom, who looked far more nervous than I did!

We rolled into the OR and they asked me to scoot off my gurney onto the operating table (which is really a bed—why do they call it a table?). This was quite humorous considering I was totally high and my gown kept getting caught under myself. Then the nurses put the sticky heart monitors on my chest, adjusted me, and put the Oxygen mask on me. She asked me to take a couple of breaths.

Next thing I know, they’re waking me up and my mom tells me all went well.

Totally. Bizarre.

The only other time I’ve ever been under anesthesia was when I was like, four, so I didn’t really know how weird it was for a few hours of your life to totally disappear. It was a really weird feeling coming out from under anesthesia. I kept trying to make myself wake up, but my body just wouldn’t let me. Within 15 minutes or so I was pretty alert and they gave me some apple juice and crackers which almost immediately made me nauseous.

They gave me some anti-nausea stuff in my IV and then I felt fine. I had a headache (big surprise there) so they gave me some pain killers, too. My doctor came over to say hi and said I was looking “quite bright-eyed.”

The nurses in the recovery room came by once in a while to see how I was doing, and once I was a little less high, I got changed back into my clothes, which was interesting because I couldn’t really use my right hand very well because of the IV in my wrist—it would poke me when I bent it, so my mom had to help me, which gave us both the giggles.

Once I was dressed, they checked on me one more time and then put me in a wheel chair, and then took out my IV. Other than a big mustache-looking bandage on my nose, I was looking fairly human.

The ride home was fine, and my mom made me some soup for lunch, which made me a little nauseous, but it wasn’t too bad. Then we popped in a movie and I promptly fell asleep. I got up to go to the bathroom, which made my nose start bleeding, so my mom made me get back on the couch (after I did my business, anyway). She was being pretty funny. Every time I moved to reach for some Kleenex or get a drink she was like, “What do you need?!? Don’t get up!!” Her paranoia wasn’t totally unnecessary because every time I got up I would spring a leak. It’s totally normal for it to bleed, of course, but she didn’t like that too much.

Around six, my best friend came over to babysit me so my mom could head home to the coast. We watched some Sex and the City while I faded in and out of sleep. I only took Vicodin a couple of times last night, and haven’t taken any since, which is pretty amazing considering the surgery I had. Only a little swelling, and only slight bruising under my eyes. The worst really is the big-ass bruises where they tried to get my IV in!

All in all, it’s been a total breeze. Now I basically just feel like I have a bad cold. I’m stuffed up, which is normal after the surgery, and my throat hurts from the breathing tube, but nothing a little Chloreseptic spray can’t help. Honestly, I’ve been waiting for the ball to drop because I just can’t imagine this going so well! But maybe it’s because it’s finally my year!

I’m happy to be able to report such a boring story! All hail 2007!!

Rock N Roll

Hallelujah!

I survived, and I am recovering well! No spinal fluid leaks, no blindness!

I will update with details later today or tomorrow, I promise! I'm pretty tired, but doing great. I haven't had to take any pain meds since yesterday, and haven't had any bleeding since yesterday, either (knock on wood).

Right now I just have a sore throat from the breathing tube, and I'm stuffed up like I have a bad cold. All in all, I'd say that's not bad!!

OK, I'm off to take a nap. Love you all, and thanks for the well wishes, they definitely helped!!!

MUAH!

It's all downhill from here---

Alright, tomorrow's the day. I will try to update this weekend with all the gory details!

But tomorrow, think of me, having this shoved up my nose:






But to end on a happy note, let's pop the champagne and congratulate Cristina on her engagement!

Fiddlesticks

I had a really horrible dream last night. I dreamt that it was the day of my surgery, and I kept accidentally eating stuff, like a piece of toast or a sucker, and then freaking out because I’m not supposed to eat anything after midnight the night before the surgery.

So that was annoying in itself, but then I go in to have the surgery, and the receptionist is like, “Yeah, sorry—we’re not going to be able to do that today. You’ll have to reschedule for sometime in April.”

Needless to say, I was PO’d and started shouting obscenities. I guess I’m a total potty mouth in my dreams. So I ask the lady why we can’t do it and she’s like, “I don’t know, your doctor just didn’t want to.”

So I go hunting around the hospital and find him in a room making balloon animals for a bunch of kids. So I ask him what the deal is, and A) Why we’re not doing the surgery, and B) Why he didn’t call and tell me yesterday. And he says he just didn’t feel like it, so I go off again and say I’m going to find a new doctor. Then he says I can’t, or I’ll have to pay for it all myself.

OK, it may not sound like much, but it was really annoying. I mean, I’m not exactly looking forward to the surgery, but I’m so sick of snot, sinus headaches, coughing, and swollen eyelids in the morning (goddamn ethmoid sinuses) that I am ready to do ANYTHING to make it all go away.

Hrmph.

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In other news, I’m still really really bored at work. So what does Jennifer do when she’s bored? She plays with Microsoft Paint!

I should do this for a living.

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In other other news, I’m looking forward to Christmas—it’s my favorite time of year. I’ve had my radio tuned to the Christmas station since the day after Thanksgiving. I just love it because it’s a time when I get to spend time with my family (which sounds corny, but it’s true). I don’t get to see my grandpa, aunt & uncle, or cousins very often, so it’s always fun to get together on Christmas Eve to have general merriment! :) Not to mention I love watching my little brother and sister on Christmas morning—so much fun!

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I am painfully bored here at work, so here’s a painfully boring survey that I filled out. If you are equally bored, please fill it out for yourself…it will give me something to read!!

1. Hi my name is...Jennifer

2. Never in my life have I...Done drugs

3. The one person who can drive me nuts...One person? Um, there's several.

4. Favorite Teacher?Of all time? That's tough... Byron Steiger (aka Mr. Burns)

5. When I'm nervous...I bite my nails

6. The last time I cried was...Yesterday I laughed so hard that I cried!

7. If I were to get married right now my maid of honor/best man...Crappety crap. Can't they just all be my MOH?

8. My hair is...Getting long!

9. When I was 5...My grandma died

10. Last Christmas...I didn't put any presents on a credit card.

11. I should be...Working...but I have nothing to do.

12. When I look down I see...My keyboard...exciting stuff going on over here.

13. The craziest recent event was...Inexplicably finding a dead rat in my toilet.

14. If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be...Monica

15. By this time next year...I will be able to breathe freely!

16. My current gripe...That I might be stuck with a famously psychotic professor next term.

17. I have a hard time understanding...Why Oregonians can't drive in the rain. I mean, we're Oregonians! Helllooooo!!

18. There's this girl I know who...Is going to be a fantastic teacher.

19. You know what the weather is going to be by... Remembering where I live. RAIN!

20. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be...Probably my dad.

21. Take my advice...Don't go out walking when zombies are on the loose.

22. My ideal breakfast...French toast...alas I rarely have it.

23. If you visited the place I was born...You would be unimpressed.

24. I plan to visit someone...In Alaska in June!!

25. If you spent the night at my house....I'd have a fabulous air bed for you.

26. I'd stop my wedding if...My fiance cheated.

27. The world could do without...Unnecessary war.

28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than...Hold a spider.

29. Most recent thing that I have bought?I can't tell you, it's a Christmas present.

30. Most recent thing someone else bought for me...My friend got me a coffee mug in St. Louis.

31. My favorite blonde is...My little bro and sis.

32. My favorite brunette is...Me. I'm fantastic.

33. My favorite bald guy is...Um...Mr. Clean.

34. My middle name is...Lynn

35. This morning I...Begrudgingly woke up.

36. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are...Giraffes. I mean, wouldn't that be funny?

37. Once, at a bar...I dealt with friends' bizarre escapades. Oh wait, that's more than once.

38. Last night I was...Watching "Bones." Booth is hot.

39. There's this girl I know that....Is getting married in July!

40: I don't know...The square root of 784,525,455.568

41. A better name for me would be...Jennifer, Princess of North Portland

42. If I ever go back to school I'll say..I'm in school.

43. my birthday is....October 19th

44. What I really want for Valentine's Day is…Flowers. I haven’t gotten flowers in a long time.
45. I'm wearing...My comfy purple sweater

46. Tomorrow I am...Going to my best friend’s for our annual dinner/gift exchange!

47. The last thing I ate was...A Clementine orange

48. I really want to learn...Everything.

Happiness and Cheer

So, a couple weeks ago I announced the date for my surgery. Well, Amy, the schedule lady, told me she’d call the following week to schedule my pre-op appointment.

Amy never called.

So this morning I went online to check the time of an appointment I have tomorrow, and lo and behold, there is suddenly a pre-op appointment set for me on the 29th.

Yes, that works for me, yes, I knew I would need a pre-op about a week before the surgery, but how is it that they made an appointment without calling me? And if I hadn’t just happened to look on the website, would I have ever known? I mean come on. And then I called them today, left a message, and have not heard a peep back.

Do I really want these people rooting around my head?

: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :

On a much much lighter note, Portland is such a lovely city during Christmastime. I keep meaning to bring my camera along on my excursions to get real-life pictures, but of course I keep forgetting. That will be my mission for the next week.

This is my must-do Christmas list for my city—

Peacock Lane



Where else can you see an entire street of homes you can’t afford lit to the nines with Christmas lights? I used to go as a child with my grandmother, and then my family after she died, so naturally, the tradition lives on. Park at the Walgreens, go buy some snacks (be sure to get cash back to give a “donation” to the guy handing out hot chocolate), and wander down the street. If you can afford to do the horse & carriage ride, go for it, but no driving. That’s cheating.

Portland International Raceway



Yes, it’s overpriced, yes, it’s silly. But they’re just so pretty. And what other time can you drive 10mph on a race track?

Oregon Zoo Lights



Monkeys swinging from tree to tree, hippos squirting out water as you ride on the train. Dozens of school choirs singing carols. It’s the only way to see the zoo.

The Pittock Mansion



Antique toys strewn about a lovely decorated 23-room mansion. Fantastic panoramic views of my city. Need I say more?

The Christmas Ship Parade



Grab some hot chocolate, put on your layers, and welcome me on my bridge as we watch dozens of ships float by, beautifully decorated and lit up for the holidays! What other city would have something so fabulous?

Pioneer Courthouse Square



Stand in the square, marvel at the lovely Christmas Tree (which they have made PC and now call the “Holiday Tree” but whatev). From there, wander down Broadway to see the rest of the lights around town.

Festival of Lights at the Grotto



No, I’m not Catholic, but there’s something so peaceful about the Grotto at Christmastime. It’s something my grandmother loved almost as much as Peacock Lane.

The Nutcracker



Yes, perhaps the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies will get stuck in your head for days, but it’s not-to-be-missed. If for no other reason than to see all the cute little ballerinas dancing about!



The Meier and Frank store windows used to be on my list, but alas…Macy’s has taken over and replaced the 12 Days of Christmas windows. They’re cute and all with the Santas in the windows, but it’s just not the same, you know?

Sing a song of sixpence

Alright, people. We finally have a date.

January 5th.

So perhaps I can start the new year breathing freely. Well...at least a month into it or so. And my first class of the new term will be on January 10th, so that will give me five days to recuperate. I'm definitely going to take a week off of work, though. So I won't go back to work until the 12th at the earliest.



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So the biggest shopping day of the year is on Friday, so I thought I should give you a heads up on what I want you to get me for Christmas:



Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the Victoria's Secret "Fantasy Bra." It's completely covered in diamonds, and I think it's only $6.6 million this year. Better get those loan forms filled out!

[Doesn't that thing look totally uncomfortable? And doesn't it...pinch?]

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In other news, my friend picked out her wedding dress on Sunday, and it is very lovely. Needless to say, now she's even more excited than she already was. I need a more intense phrase than "bouncing off the walls" because kids, she's outta control excited.



And our bridesmaids dresses aren't too bad, either:





For my friends in the US of A who celebrate it, have a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Visiting the Bitter Barn

I'm totally in the Bitter Barn today. I'm not really sure why, but I'm feeling extra crappy and snotty today. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the homework free-for-all I have going on, maybe the snot is running out of places to go. Who knows. But I am a Grumpy Grumpterton because of it.

And I have noticed a side effect of my current ailment. I have zero sympathy for people who have colds. Absolutely zero. I just want to take their little heads in my hands, shake them a little, and say, "Sick?? You think you're sick?! I'll show you sick, punk!"

My sister is the latest victim of this side effect. I had a very difficult time not rolling my eyes as she sniffled and looked pathetic and complained that she felt stuffed up.

Stuffed. Up.

I wanted to kill her.

Yes, I realize this is extremely insensitive, but I'm just about to the brink of can't-take-it-anymore status. I'm starting to consider snorting Diet 7up like my dad suggested. Sure, he was joking, but what the hell? Nothing else has worked.


So on that happy little rant (I'll work on my attitude problem, I promise), I would just like to say, I am really excited for some turkey. So excited, in fact, that I felt it necessary to draw you a picture of said turkey, pre-head chopping off:



I just hope my sister is feeling better by Thursday. Because if she talks about her cold during our commute to visit the fam, I might just have to stuff her little snot box in the trunk.


And because I'm not totally selfish, I just need to say that this is really awful.

Oh, and also? HAHAhahahaahaHAHAHAhahaha!!

Sunofa...

So I still hadn't heard from my doctor about scheduling my surgery, so I called today to see what was up.



Well, turns out, my doctor is totally booked. They only do the schedule 6 weeks out, and he's booked through December. Which, if you remember, is exactly when I was hoping to get it done. So I'm a little frustrated by that, but what can I do?

The appointment lady said they're trying to see if they can put more times in for him, but there's no guarantee. So I had her write on my record for the first week of January if possible, and December if they can squeeze me in. But I probably won't know until next week. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that this is very annoying.

I was sweet as sugar to her (after all, it's not her fault), so maybe she'll be more inclined to help me out. :)

I guess we'll see.

Until then, the snot continues.

Hyphens

I’m still popping the champagne today after the decimation of snarling elephants yesterday. Yippee!

But I have a story for you. And I swear to Buddha, I am not making this up. And I don’t mean to get into a Nancy-Kerrigan-“why-me” mode, but seriously: Why does the weird shit always happen to me??

So I get home from work tomorrow, run in to use the bathroom and grab my school stuff to go study in the library. So I head downstairs to the throne room and
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Wait for it
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WTF?!!?


A DEAD GODDAMN RAT IN MY TOILET. A RAT! A RAT, PEOPLE! WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH IS THERE A MOTHER-LOVING RAT IN MY TOILET??



Needless to say, the floating carcass nearly scared me half to death, but I am proud to say there was no yelling, fainting, or swearing involved at the time. I just slammed down the toilet seat and ran upstairs to call my landlord.

“Uh, William? This is Jennifer in #____. I have an…unusual situation.”

“Okaaaay…”

“There is a huge dead rat in my toilet.”

“WHAT? Oh my God, I’ll be down in five minutes.”

This is apparently not that rare. Rats will make their way up sewer pipes and out people’s toilets. If you’re really lucky, they’ll still be alive when they emerge, and if your lid’s open, they’ll jump out and terrorize you! Isn’t that fun!? Luckily, my lid was down, so the little bastard drowned.

Five minutes more of holding my bladder as I stand trying to shake off the heebie-jeebie disgustingness of the situation, he knocks on my door, rubber gloves and bucket in hand.

We head down to the bathroom where he peeks in the lid, slams it down and shouts “Oh my lord!
….
….
….
Um, did you try flushing it?”

“Uh, no.”

“K, I’m going to try flushing it.”

“What if it gets stuck??”

“Well…theoretically, if it came up, it should go back down, right?”

“Um, I guess so…well, the plunger’s next to the toilet if you need it.”

*flush*

Little bastard didn’t go down.

*flush*

Still won’t go down.

Admitting defeat, William looks at me, sighs, and says “I’m going in.”

“Do you want like a paper towel or something?”

“No, I just need some scotch.”

So he reaches his gloved hand in, picks it up by it’s tail, and drops its bloated little mongrel body in the bucket.

Seriously. Why? I do not understand why the weird stuff always happens to me.

And now it’s not just the weird stuff, it’s the horror-movie, Twilight-Zone, can’t-sleep-because-you-think-you-hear-a-rat-scratching-the-bottom-of-the-bowl disgusting stuff.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

On a completely related note, I have to have surgery on my sinuses.

This does not make me happy. I went back to the doctor today, and he compared last month’s CAT Scan to this month’s CAT Scan, and although I’m feeling considerably better, my sinuses (especially in the back of my head) are actually worse.

So now I have to have put-you-under 3-hour endoscopic we’ll-try-not-to-sever-your-optic-nerve surgery. Some lovely you’ll-need-about-a-week-to-recover surgery. Basically, some I-really-don’t-have-the-time-to-deal-with-this-BS-surgery.

But alas, I’m going to do it. I don’t know when, but hopefully in December when I’m between terms for school. They’ll probably call tomorrow to schedule it.

Memo to myself: stop googling Sinus Surgery because you’ll end up reading scary stories like this. Or this.

I need a cocktail.

*sniff*

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The sun appeared. The clouds parted. A beautiful rainbow painted across the sky—

Drawing a deep breath, Jenniper gasped... “I can breathe!”

And then a thousand angels gathered in chorus: “Hallelujah!”



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Appointment with the specialist went well. I’m not going to lie, it was an unpleasant visit, but I must admit things are feeling much clearer today!

We had a little chat about my 10-week ridiculousness, and then he had a look at my CAT Scan. “So…yeah. Your CAT Scan. Well, it looks just crappy.” [His words, I swear]. He explained that the reason I’m still having symptoms is because the infection is so bad, all of my sinuses are clogged. The antibiotics have probably killed the infection (or at least sterilized it), but because the mucous isn’t draining right, I still feel like caca.

To be sure, he decided he wanted to take a look up there. So first he sprayed my nose with this lidocaine stuff to numb it. And if you’ve never had a numb nose before, believe me: it’s weird.

Then he stuck a laryngoscope up in there to take a look around. Essentially, it’s a long tube with fiber optics so he can see what’s going on in my snotty head. The yellow circled part is the part that goes up there. [shudder]



Yes, it was unpleasant. It didn’t actually hurt, but that’s because my nasal passage was numb. But lemme tell ya, a few hours later I was feelin it. And 4 Advil didn’t quite do the job.

After determining that there were no polyps or some bizarre reason why I’m still sick, he decided to do a little vacuuming. This wasn’t the major flush-out surgery hoopla (that might come later), but it got some guck out—and it was GROSS. That is all I’m going to say about that.

So now I’m on a more specific antibiotic (to make sure the infection stays bye-bye), and a kick-ass decongestant/expectorant to loosen Mucous & Friends up a bit. Then the really fun part is the Nasal Rinse!


I know, it looks simple enough. But ladies and gentlemen, the bottle is as big as my hand. My whole hand, people! And you know what I have to do with it? Squeeze saline solution up one nostril until it starts coming out the other one.

GAAAAAHHH!!!

Alas, I must admit… The disgustingness is a miracle. I have been able to breathe through my nose all day. I can’t tell you how that feels! It’s like a cup of hot chocolate on a snowy day. It’s like a cocktail after a long work week. It’s like an elephant ear at the state fair. Perfectly baked Butternut Squash. It’s like that first sip of cold beer at a baseball game.
It. Is. Pure. Fabulousness.

Now, I feel it is necessary to ad something here. Now don’t get me wrong, I am THRILLED that this visit went well (hear that, God? I am grateful, OK? Don’t go bringing the mucous back to smite me). But why is Buddha’s name didn’t they freaking tell me to do the nasal rinse 7 WEEKS AGO when I went to the doctor the first time!? Oh the time, the frustration, the money it would have saved!

But it’s OK. It’s OK.

Because dammit, I can breathe.

BOHICA

The frustration is mounting and I'm starting to lose my cool. So far, I think I've been a pretty good sport about this whole ridiculous affair, but I've just about had it.

I have to wait until the 11th to see a specialist. Furthermore, it is only a CONSULTATION. They aren't going to do a goddamn thing while I'm there other than talk some more about my sinusitis. We have already determined that talking about it is not going to solve the problem, people. I want action.

And if I can't even get in for a lame-o consultation until the 11th, when are they going to be able to actually schedule anything to fix me? Does this mean I have to wait another bleeping 3 weeks before I can breathe through my blasted nose??

And now I'm starting to have a minor freak-out because I think I have symptoms of a fungal sinus infection. 1) Antibiotics aren't working 2) We're going on Week #10 here and 3) I haven't gotten anyone else sick. And I work in an old leaking moldy building. This is probably all just in my head and I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing, but it's still there.

I swear if it is fungal, I'm sharpening up my resume and getting my ass out of here.

I'm done now. Sorry. I'm not really looking for a response here, I just really needed to vent (obviously).

It all comes round again...

Doc called. My actual doctor. Not a nurse or a secretary or an appointment person, my actual doctor. Some points were regained from yesterday's fiasco.

“So I have the results of your CAT scan...on a scale of 1-10, one being no sinus infection and 10 being really bad, where were you, and were are you now?”

And I said, “Well I was 9 or 10, but now it’s more like 5 or 6.”

And he was like, “OK, well first of all, I’d like to go ahead and refill your antiobiotic since it seems to be clearing this up at least a little.”

Of course I’m wondering why he hasn’t said what was on the scan. Was I just being paranoid and I'm one of those annoying patients who acts like a hypochondriac? Is this all in my head? Am I about to be totally embarrassed? So I say, “So what showed up on the scan? Was it not definitive?”

“Oh no, it was very definitive, you have infection everywhere.”

(I know—lovely, huh?)

So here's a mini lesson on sinus infections that you probably don't want, but I'm giving it to you anyway.

This is what a normal CT scan would look like:

(Big gray circles are the eyes, darken areas are the sinuses)

This is a CT of infected sinuses:


Here you can see that the darkened areas are smaller because the infection is inflamed and disgusting. Apparently this is what I'm dealing with. He is going to send me a report of my scan, so if there's anything fun in there, I'll post it after I get it.

A lot of times just part of your sinuses will be infected, but because I never like to do anything half-assed, I went for the whole shebang. So I am going to be referred to a specialist where they'll probably shove a hose up my nose and spray it all out (OK, not exactly like that, but you get the picture).

So at least now I know I’m not going crazy and that it is an infection, just a really bad one. So he’s referring me to a specialist, so I’m waiting for them to call me. My guess is that I’ll have to go get flushed out next week.

This would all be much more pleasant if my doctor looked like this:



Oh yeah...Dr. Carter can flush me out anytime.

Meanwhile, back on the farm

I'm starting to minorly freak out. I know it's not going to help if I have a freak fest, but this is getting ridiculous.

The antiobiotics are not working. Again. I have now taken two courses, and things are still infection-y. Bad bad bad, Leroy Brown.

So I had to go get a CAT Scan today.

I've never had one before (or any X-Rays for that matter--well, other than the dentist). It was trippy.

Of course what is a CAT Scan without a story to go with it??

So yesterday my doctor's office calls me and tells me to go to back to my doctor's office and go down to X-Ray across the hall. They'll be expecting me, and I can just show up anytime between 8am and 5pm Monday through Friday. Of course they're not open on weekends or after work because, well, that would be helpful. So I decide to go first thing this morning to avoid lines so I can get to work.

I go to X-Ray…I wait for about five minutes or so, and it’s eerily quiet and no one is there. So at 8:05 I go upstairs to the reception area and ask the lady if I’m supposed to check in or anything. And she says, “Oh, they’re open at 8 so they should be there very soon. If you just hang out down there, they’ll show up.” So I go back down. At 8:25, I'm still alone & quite annoyed so I walk over to the nurse’s station and say, “What is up with X-Ray?” and she says “They’re not open until nine. There’s an X-Ray across the building that opens at 8, you can go over there.”

So this is annoying in itself because
1. The chick on the phone is a retard &
2. The chick at reception is a retard.

But I haul my butt over to the other X-ray and say “Hi, I’m supposed to come over here and get a CT scan on my sinuses.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No, they told me just to show up between 8 and 5.”

“Well, we don’t talk walk-ins, they’re by appointment.”

Silent rage.

“Let me see if you’re in the computer……………no, you’re not in here.”

More silent rage. I think she recognizes it.

“I’ll call back there and see if they can squeeze you in.” [insert Jeopardy music here] “Yeah, they can take you. It will probably be about a half an hour.”

Luckily I only waited about 15 minutes and they got me in.

So now I wait, with my radioactive head glowing---

Arms, legs, and shoes

OK, what is going on? They keep finding body parts in the Columbia River. First they found a body in a bag, and then they found an arm, and now they’ve found a leg (and I mean they just now did). What the dilio? Is it just somebody who got mad and killed his/her family or do we have a serial killer thing going on?

They also found some human remains on the coast. Of course the media is in a frenzy saying it might be Brooke Wilberger, but I don’t think they’ll get that lucky. I’m afraid they’ll never find the poor girl. I kind of hope it’s her, so her family can be at peace, and then maybe they can find some evidence to convict a killer.

Heebie-jeebies abound.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and my lungs are still clear, so this is good. I’m not Typhoid Mary or anything like that.

I do, however, have a raging sinus infection, and it’s not a good sign that the last antibiotics didn’t work. So they put me on some serious Augmentin which is a bitch on your stomach, but it’s supposed to kill just about anything. So if that doesn’t work, they’re going to do a cat scan on my face to make sure it is an infection, and then if it is, they’ll do this lovely procedure that basically flushes out the sinuses. It is supposedly very unpleasant, so let’s hope I don’t have to do that. I’ll let you know next week.

I’ve also decided that I’m going to be a little delinquent and buy some new shoes with some of my extra loan money for school. I don’t have it yet, which makes this terrible that I’m already mentally spending money that I don’t have, but I’m sick, so I can do what I want. ;)

I got a coupon in the mail for 20% off a total purchase at an Aerosoles store. These shoes are kind of spendy, but they’re really good for your feet. Plus, they’re cute! I decided I need a good brown pair and a good black pair (to get the most outfit-matches out of the purchase), and I think I’ve decided on these two:

(The brown ones)

(The black ones)

And then I kind like these too....
(The ivory or blue ones)

But first I need some cash-mo.

On a final note, even though I despise Wal-Mart (for many reasons), I think this is very interesting. I think it will help a lot of people.

Evil Shenanigans

A crime has been committed against humanity.

Starbucks bought Coffee People.

Is nothing sacred anymore?! Will that effing mermaid stop at nothing to rule the world?!


I am officially one of those annoying people who won’t drink Starbucks. I could ignore the pod people who work there, their questionable overseas policies, and their somewhat burnt-tasting coffee for the sake of convenience, but pretty soon all we’ll have are Starbuckses. I don’t like they’re let’s-buy-all-the-competition shenanigans. Evil shenanigans!


On an even more irritating note, I’m still sick. The antibiotics didn’t work, which leads me to believe that whatever infection I may have is actually viral. This is bad. We’re going on 8 weeks now. I’m going to try and see my doctor this week. I’m not going back to Urgent Care. You sit in the lobby for three hours, then another 20 minutes in the exam room, and then you’re in the presence of a doctor for 5 minutes, tops. I’m not leaving until they give me a definitive answer and some advice on how to avoid this BS. This is the third time I’ve been sick like this in ’06. Grrrr.


In happier news, the Race for the Cure was on Saturday, which is a zoo, but it’s always fun. And statistically, either I or someone I love will get breast cancer, so I’ll do what I can now for it! Although I have to admit—I’m really hoping that by the time I’m 40 and have to start doing mammograms, someone will have come up with a better method than the Squish-Em-Down-Now-I-Really-Need-a-Wonderbra machine. Please. Someone out there, I beg you.



Um, no, not quite what I had in mind.



I also went out to the Pumpkin Patch to check out the first Fall fruits and veggies. Beautiful bounty of squash (yum!), corn, pears, apples, plums, and much more! I love the Patch. And their prices are increíble.

Mmmm…Squtternut Bash.



Also, having read Sundry Mourning’s latest blogs about Geocaching, my interest is peaked. Methinks I’m going to have to get myself a cheap GPS thingy (or find someone who has one), because there are a TON near me! What a fun, dorky little adventure!



T-Minus 7 days until I start school. Zoinks!