These are the days of our lives...

:: Why do people get plastic surgery? I mean come on, just the name “PLASTIC surgery” should be a complete turn-off.

:: Why is the official name of debating (like on a debate team) “Forensics?” I thought Forensics was like messing around with dead people.

:: Who invented Post-Its?

:: Why can’t the fingernails on my right hand grow nice and pretty like the ones on my right hand? Why do my right hand’s nails keep breaking?

:: What happened to July? It went bye-bye.

:: Why are people stupid enough to do drugs? And I’m not talking about smoking weed or something equally silly (although you shouldn’t do that either). I mean drugs. I have an aunt who was a drug addict. She’s 45. She looks like my grandmother did right before she died.

:: Did you know that librarians are secretly evil?

:: Shouldn’t I have gotten my PSU email account by now? Or am I just jumping the gun?

:: Doesn’t the word “kumquat” sound kind of dirty?

:: Why is laugh spelled L-A-U-G-H? I mean, how do you get an “F” sound out of “UGH?”

:: Speaking of "F," why did they skip "E" in the grading curve? It goes A,B,C,D,F. Where is the love for the E?

:: And why are “flour” and “flower” pronounced the same?

Go, Jon! You get yours!

OK, so here's some insight into just how silly I am.

I love Garfield. I have since I was a kid. I had Garfield everything (sheets, blankets, toys). Obviously I don't have the sheets or toys anymore, but I do still love that fat orange cat. In fact, even though she's not orange, Jane reminds me an awful lot of Garfield.

Anyway, Garfield is still one of my favorite comic strips in the morning.

And THIS IS BIG NEWS!!!





A few weeks later.....


























Yay Jon! For those of you who aren't Garfield weirdos like me, Jon is one of those guys who is lonely and never gets dates and he's been hot after Liz the Veterinarian for years. And I mean years. Garfield started in 1978, and he's been chasing her tail ever since. Usually she's cold and kind of bitchy, but apparently she has decided to come around!!

Now that last strip is from today. If I open my newspaper tomorrow and it was all a dream, I am going to be PO'd!

Have a fabulous weekend everybody!

Say it with me...

DUH.

That's it. I'm putting my bra in the freezer.

Bloody hell it’s hot.

I mean, it’s Portland. It’s not supposed to be 104 degrees. I like my summers to consist of low-80s temps with upper 50s as a low at night to cool things off.

Right now at 1 pm it’s already 91 degrees. That’s disgusting.

When the Pacific Northwest gets smog advisories, you know there’s a problem.


Having said that, it was an interesting weekend. I had to dog/house sit on Friday night, and my friends’ house was boiling. Poor pup was just gulping water, and I shamefully ate a pint of ice cream to cool down. Shut up. I went hiking on Sunday so they cancel each other out.

Saturday morning I left for the coast (ahhhh, cool air) to visit the fam. My aunt and uncle from Michigan are visiting, so we had some quality family time. We went to the Summer Festival in Toledo (redneckiest kinda town you can find, man) on Saturday night to watch their fireworks display. And I’m telling ya—not counting Disneyland, that was the best damn fireworks show I have ever seen. Ever. It was bitchin. The whole damn show was like a grand finale. Beautiful!

Because my aunt and uncle were sleeping in the guestroom, my sis and I got stuck crashing in our parents’ camping trailer thing. It was actually quite comfortable out there, though. And nice and cooooool. But in the middle of the night, something woke me up—the trailer was shaking and some animal was clearly circling us with great interest. It was going around and around the trailer pretty quickly making this hernk hernk hernk noise. It was very bizarre if not slightly unsettling, but it finally decided to go away.

I’m still not quite sure what it was. My step-dad said it was probably a raccoon, but I’m not sure what world he’s living in where raccoons are big enough to rattle a trailer and go “hernk hernk hernk.” My mom said it could have been a bear because they come up out of the gulley once in a while, but my bet’s on some neighbor’s dog. But who really knows.

Maybe it was Bigfoot. He knew there were some hotties in there and he was lookin for a party.

Inexplicably, the fam felt the need to drive back into the Willamette valley on Sunday to go hiking at Silver Falls. And I love Silver Falls, but why why why would you want to leave the beautiful coastal breeze and head back into the depths of hell?? It was unpleasant. And there’s not much for swimming in them thar parts. I mean, they’re waterfalls. You can’t exactly take a dip in raging waters.


I haven’t taken a hot shower in like a week. And while cold showers are very refreshing in oppressive heat, they’re murder on my hair.

Or maybe that’s the smog.

Everybody's workin' for the weekend

OK, I know it's been a week since I posted, but our network at work was down (AGAIN!!) and I got the freakin flu (AGAIN!!).

I don't know what is up with my immune system this past year. I get my exercise, I take my vitamins, I'm a big fan of sleep. So who knows?! Although I did clean my desk today and discovered many a dustbunny, and I'm starting to think it might be my job making me sick. It's a dinosaur building with at least 431 kind of mold and mildew. Not to mention the asbestos above my head. And the raging dust all over the place. And the ancient carpet.

Hmmm...maybe I should up my vitamin intake.

ANYWAY! I'll be back to posting on Monday I hope! Have a fabulous weekend!!!

And I leave you with this*, from my favorite comic strip, Non Sequitur:




* If that's too small to read, the skeleton dude's sign says "Stay the Course."


AND! Because I realized I haven't posted about my silly shoe fetish lately, I have decided I need to buy some new shoes for the fall...

(The burgundy/brown ones--2nd from the bottom)

(The black ones--on the top)

My name is Jenniper, and I'm a shoe-aholic. Or at least I wish I was. If I had some $! :)

Oh crap...

She made a headline on msn.com. I swear not all Oregonians are this stupid.

And she's from A-LOW-AH, not Alo-HA.



EDIT 7/17: Now it's really getting ridiculous.

Is it Friday yet?

I recently decided to re-read all the Harry Potter books (I mean, it’s been years since I read Sorcerer’s Stone). I’ve gotten through the first two already, and as I was reading I kept getting more and more annoyed at the things they altered or cut out of the movie versions.


I know it’s asking a lot to be totally faithful to a novel, but sometimes the changes are just outright annoying. Like little details that have no merit in changing. For example, Dudley is supposed to be blonde. Or in Chamber of Secrets when the Phoenix heals Harry’s arm after the Basilisk gets him—the book does it in front of Tom Riddle, but the movie waits until Harry has “killed” Tom Riddle. Or when Harry stuffs the diary in his sock to give to Malfoy in the book, but in the film the sock is inside the diary.

It’s just annoying.

ANYWAY.

In other news, I was horrified by this story. The kid is sixteen. He has every right to decide what treatments he receives. Furthermore, he has the support of his parents, who would make the executive decision anyway. Total and complete bullshit. For a country that goes on and on about freedom, we are certainly restricted within our own lives. We don’t have the right to die if we’re suffering, you can’t get married if you’re gay, they’re trying to ban flag burning. We are seriously going backward. Let’s just go on back to the days where women couldn’t vote. It’s embarrassing.

OK, rant over.

I challenge you to do this quiz about me. I’ll admit, the questions are tough. And you can’t cheat and look back through my old posts to find the answers because, well, they were eaten by the Internet. These are all things I’ve talked about on my blog at some point. And yes, I’ll admit most of them you’ll probably say “Huh? Like I know!” But I promise I won’t judge, AND here’s a free invite to make one yourself!

I have a desk drawer full of paper clips...

I can't believe this guy actually did it. He actually traded a red paper clip for a freakin house.

I have a yellow highlighter... let's start the bidding. ;)

Mawaige

Mawaige is what bwings us togevah today. Dat dweam, wifin a dweam...



[ If you don't know what movie that's from, we're not friends anymore ;) ]

Let’s talk about marriage.

One of these years – in a galaxy far, far away – I’ll probably get married. But it is definitely not in my immediate future plans. I’m just not “there” yet mentally. Furthermore, I have no idea what I want in a man. If you look at my string of crushes or boyfriends in my life you will notice a trend: they are all very different from each other, and they never end up being who I think they are.

I have this horrible habit of finding interest in someone and then building them up in my mind to be someone they’re not.

This is why I am not ready for that sort of thing.

But a lot of people are. Namely my crazy best friend who got hitched this last weekend. She was all about getting married. She wanted to be married so badly that she didn’t care to whom. I don’t see this lasting. I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am.

So here’s my Question Number One: If someone you know is getting married and you think it’s a horrible idea (maybe the guy/girl is mean, maybe they’re too young, whatever) do you say something or do you keep quiet and just let it unfold on its own?

Then there’s my friends who I introduced who got engaged on Monday (they’ll get married next July). They’ve only known each other a few months. Many people think that’s waaaay too fast. Now here’s my issue, and I feel like I totally have a double-standard here. If it were anyone else, I would think they’ve lost their minds. But because it’s them, I just know this was meant to be. He even asked her parents – her mom cried and her dad said he would be “honored to have him as a son-in-law.”

So Question Number Two: How soon is too soon and does it apply to everyone? Is a relationship doomed if they take things “quickly?”

Here’s another debate: women changing their last names. I have no problem with women changing their last names when they get married. I, however, have yet to decide if I want to. I like my last name. It’s unique and I’ve never met another person with it. I would just feel gypped if I married someone with the last name “Jones” or “Smith” or something (sorry to any Smith/Jones that may be reading this). Whenever I have children, they’ll have their father’s last name. But I still haven’t decided.

So Question Three: Do you think it’s necessary for a woman to change her last name when she gets married? Why or why not?

Also, you know that saying "Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Well, this will be my fourth time. I personally think the saying should be "Three times a bridesmaid, DAMN you must be a good friend!"

OK, we’ll start there.

On a side note, anyone else think it’s a little weird that I got carded for buying Sparklers


but not for buying a bottle of wine?

I think he kind of got an easy out...

Do you suppose it's hot where he is? ;)

Alright, this is a long one...

Man I’m tired.

I swear I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep since Tuesday.

So.

Bridezilla may have driven me completely crazy this last year with wedding madness, but I am happy to report that the end result was a blast.

And then the clouds opened up and the angels started to sing.

That was seriously the funnest wedding I have ever been to. And I’ve been to a lot of weddings.

I’ll start with Thursday, though. I left work a little early so I could get to the coast and get some last-minute stuff done before the big event. I helped my dad pick out a wedding gift for the couple, and just as we were getting ready to check out, he picked up a box of Mentos and was like, “Have you seen that thing on the Internet…” and I said, “with the Diet Coke? Yeah, I want to try that!” Then he looked at the Mentos, looked at me. I went and grabbed a 2-Liter of Diet Coke. And although it didn’t look as spectacular as those guys with the 100 bottles, our experiment was a success! It shot up quite high in the air!



Anyway, Friday I met up with Bride and her 3 bridesmaids from Montana and we went to lunch on the Bayfront and then pointed them in the direction of some good tourist-y stuff. Then Bride and I went to the resort for some last-minute decoration instructions and other details. Rehearsal was at four, and then we all headed to the rehearsal dinner at this fun lounge. After dinner the gals went back to the resort to supervise the installation of the altar. Their wedding was outside in this glen but they wanted a fun wooden altar to stand in front of, so my step-dad made them one. It turned out really well. Then we went back to our suite and drank some wine and chatted the night away.

Saturday morning we headed to the spa for hour-long full-body massages. And I tell you what, I could get used to that! I had never had a professional massage, and it was HEAVEN. I can’t justify getting them often since they cost $100/hour, but I think a once in a while massage might need to be in the plans for me from now on. After our massages we soaked in the spas and steam rooms and saunas and sunrooms all morning. It was fabulous getting pampered!

Then we headed back to the room to get ready. One of Bride’s fellow hairdressers who wasn’t a bridesmaid did all of our hair. The whole suite smelled like hairspray, lemme tell ya. She started with the bride, which took two hours, but it looked fantastic. Ours were a little quicker. But I must say it was a painful experience because she wanted kind of a bouffant half updo, so the tops of our heads were teased, which is essentially creating knots in your hair and then shellacked with hairspray.

I swear I used almost an entire bottle of conditioner just to be able to run my fingers through my hair the next morning. It was worst for me, too, because I have long hair. Ouch.

ANYWAY, the ceremony was short, sweet, and beautiful. And Bridezilla did not make an appearance, thank goodness. She was happy and pleasant all day. The reception was fantastic and the DJ perfect. We literally danced from about 8-midnight, so my legs are nice and sore now.

As for the dress, it stayed together and nothing busted out. The pearls? I got used to them. My hairstyle, even though it had a bottle of hairspray on it, fell out after two songs.

The parasols, you ask? In a funny twist of fate, I actually only carried the damn thing for a total of 20 seconds. I walked up the aisle with it open, and then closed it when I got to the altar. Then I was able to ditch the thing for the rest of the night. I mean, we took pictures with them, but other than that, I didn’t have to deal with it!

But I did get to keep it. ;)

We didn’t get to sleep until about 2am that night, but my co-maid of honor was off galavanting with some boys and decided that she’d just come back in the morning. Lucky me, she came knocking on the door at 4am. This must be why I’m tired!

But it really was a blast. It couldn’t have gone more smoothly, and our toast was a big hit. I was sad to have to say goodbye since she and her husband are moving across the country, but I’ll try to visit them soon. Hopefully she’ll be better now that the wedding is over!








Oh, and by the way. Those two friends I hooked up a few months ago? Yeah…he’s proposing tonight.