Items of Note

Hello and welcome to the Friday before my last weekend of doing homework until September!

This is a beautiful moment for me. I have successfully survived my first year at graduate school without wanting to kill myself or others. For the most part, anyway. And I managed to do it while working full time, even though my boss made it very clear that she just “knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

The term “suck it!” comes to mind.

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In other news, the Paris Hilton hoopty-doo is just so ridiculous and embarrassing that that’s all I can really say at this point. I mean, we’ve hit 3500 dead in Iraq (and that’s just our peeps), a poor girl was kidnapped and murdered yesterday, another missing girl was found after a year, and all the media can talk about is Paris kicking and screaming back to jail.

Man.

Although I would like to see footage of her tantrum. I’ll admit that.

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This weekend is my friend’s bridal shower, so that should be fun. I can’t believe their wedding is so close! It seems like only yesterday I was plotting their hookup. Sigh. They grow up so fast.

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There are only 11 days (well, technically 12) until I am blissfully on vacation with my good friend Courtney up in the Last Frontier. I’m so fricketing fracking jumpety jackin excited that I use phrases like “fricketing fracking jumpety jackin.”

That reminds me I need to unbury my suitcase from my closet.

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In still other news, I’m having some cat trouble.

Does everyone remember Bob? Well, Bob never came back after I splashed his little hide with water, but now we’ve got a new friend.

We’ll call her Bobette. Bobette is now enjoying taunting Jane through the window. At least this time, if I open the window and yell at her, she bolts for the night. But the little shit keeps coming back!

Sigh.

Spoiled Six-Year-Old

Happy Birthday to my little brat princess, Jane--






May she not go crazy like this cat.

She will purr while gouging your eyes out.

So Jane decided it would be a good idea to catch a parasite. I really have no idea how she managed this, seeing that she is an indoor cat. I will admit it freaks me out slightly. Well, in a perfect world, one would simply go to any store, buy some wormer medicine, and administer it to the cat. Voila! Problem solved.

Well, Jane doesn’t work that way. I tried a liquid, I tried a paste, and I tried a powder. The little punk would not take her medicine. Finally, I had to give up and take her to the vet.

Jane does not like the vet. She has notes in her chart warning vet techs and doctors about her behavior. I do not like taking her to the vet. It’s embarrassing.

This trip was no different. Because they just needed to pop a pill in her mouth, I didn’t have to see a doctor, just a tech in the back room. They even have this little plunger thing that is supposed to make administering the pill very simple:


No comments from the peanut gallery---yes, I know what that looks like.

Pill Number One: Plunger goes pop, Jane bites down, spits out the pieces and smacks the vet tech’s hand away. Very loud guttural sounds begin. Two vet techs hold her down. Other techs and doctors in the back room start gathering around to watch the spectacle.

Pill Number Two: Plunger goes pop three times, Jane gags up the pill and spits it out every time. Bends one of the tech’s fingernails back. Tech fights off tears. They get a towel to wrap her little weapons paws up. Jane hisses and spits and bitches and moans.

Now they figure it’s time to give up and just give her a shot. This also pisses Jane off, but they manage to get it in her and then toss her back in her carrier. A should-have-been a $5 trip turns into a $33 trip.

My cat is a Ninja.

Peachy Keen

1. I’m pretty excited that we’ve already got a good pool of presidential candidates. This time last year I was very worried that we didn’t have anybody! Too soon to call who’s going to get the nod, but it should be an interesting race. If those elephants hold on to power, though, someone’s going to have some serious explaining to do.

He’s such a handsome fellow. And I would just like to state for the record that I liked him before he became Mr. Popular.

2. I was lecturing my cat last night about being a stubborn ass. She somehow has worms (gross!!) and she’s being difficult and won’t take her medicine. I keep telling her that if she doesn’t cooperate we’re going to have to go to the VET which she HATES. They’re scared of her, too. She’s even got a note in her file saying she’s a little shit difficult cat and needs several vet assistants present.

She’s such a cute little thing, though.

3. I have terrible taste in movies. I can watch just about anything and find some entertainment value. I feel sorry for those people who only watch movies to get some deeper meaning out of a film—they miss out on good laughs and brainless humor! My friend and I went and saw Because I Said So (chick flick!). We usually go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day but I have class on Wednesday so this was like our V-Day date. She’s mad I’m ditching her so she has already picked out the bottle of wine she will drink herself on Wednesday.

But the movie was pretty cute. And one the guys in it is scorchin! I mean, it’s a “romantic comedy” which of course always has the same plot “boy likes girl, boy dates girl, they break up for some reason, girl wants boy back, boy says no, eventually changes his mind, happily ever after.” But that’s why we watch them, isn’t it?

4. I had a follow-up doctor’s appointment today. Things are still healing well after the surgery, but he can tell that there’s some serious inflammation up there. This means I am very allergic to something, but because they’ve already tested me for everything they can test for, there’s no way to really know what it is out there. This annoys me greatly. So now I’m on a nasal steroid that I have to take twice a day, but it should help with the ridiculous sneezing and such. Eventually I’ll probably be able to get off the spray once I’m away from the allergen – which I really think is my job.

Time to sharpen that resume.


So. How was your weekend?

State of My Union

George Walker is giving his cowboy speech State of the Union Address at the moment. I watched the first part of it, but now I can only listen from afar. I find that my blood pressure rises considerably when I watch him speak. Bastard.

But there was that beautiful moment when, for the first time in U.S. history, the melodious words were spoken at a national address:

"Madam Speaker..."

I will admit publicly that I teared up a little. Hey, I'm probably PMS-ing.

Anyway--

Look at this beautiful bundle of joy:

Yes, it's my bed. Yes, I realize it's weird that I just posted a picture of my bed, but it's NEW!

I bought it this weekend and had my first glorious night in it last night and it was heaven. It was a very adult purchase, I must admit. I decided to forgo a new digital camera or the lambskin rug in favor of this much more luxurious item.

It's fantastic. No buyer's remorse whatsoever.

Jane was pretty ticked when I had to shut her in the bathroom when the guys came to set it up. As I was shutting the door the bed-man looked past me and said "Holy shit! Is all that yours??"

I turned to see what on earth he was talking about--

Oh. It was my outrageous jewelry collection:

"Kyle! You gotta check out this girl's jewelry!"

[No, I'm not kidding]

So Kyle comes in, and the two of them gawk at my stuff while I look in amazement that this is actually happening. They actually start discussing my taste in earrings.

"So...did you want me to leave you two alone?" I asked with only a hint of bitchy--

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

I'm the first to admit that yeah...maybe I have a little too much jewelry. But that's just how I am. A woman has a right to her jewelry.

Ahem.

OK, I'm done now.

I leave you this---my Jane, looking quite tuckered out after the ordeal of having to change beds. Oh! It's so hard to be a cat!

I want to be a cat in my next life...

Must be tough.

The cheese is old and moldy.

I’m really starting to wonder what’s up with Bob. He came around last night at about 9pm (so I was still awake and upstairs). My windows were open and Jane and I were chillin on the couch when we heard this “Meeerrrrrroooowww” coming from outside. I look out my window and sure enough, the little bugger was staring up at us from down below. Jane just kind of looked at him like he was a total idiot which I thought was kind of funny. But the little shit darling wouldn’t leave so I went and got a cup with some water in it and went to open my back door. My back door leads to stairs that go to the ground and Bob was at the bottom of the stairs staring up at me. I toss the water at him (missing him, somehow) and he bolted.

Two minutes later we hear it again: “meerrrrrrrooooooOOOOOWWW!!” This time I fill the cup full of water and open my back door. This time, Bob starts coming up the stairs as if I’m going to let him inside! What is the deal with this cat? Does he think he lives here? Does he think we’re friends? Do his owners neglect him so in some bizarre way he’s trying to be buddy-buddy with the strange woman that throws water at him? I can’t say I know, but I was so surprised by him running at me that I tossed the water and this time got him good, right on the back. He bolted again, this time not to return.



And of course now I’m feeling guilty. I threw water on a cat that is obviously in some major need for lovin. Either that or it was a ploy to jump me and scratch my eyes out. But you know what? The little bugger keeps waking me up at 4am! He needed some water on his hide! Right?! Right?? Damn. I’m rationalizing.

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ANYWAY, in other news, I must admit I am rather liking the new Justin Timberlake song, “SexyBack.” This is a little out of the ordinary since I don’t really listen to hip hop or pop or whatever you want to call it, but I can’t help myself—I love this song! A similar phenomenon happened a couple years ago with Britney Spears’ song “Toxic.” Something about it kind of makes me want to go find somebody to make out with.



I just noticed that both of these songs have “X”s in them. Maybe there’s something about the sound “X” makes. X. X. x. Hm. Nope, nuthin.

Good lord I’m weird.

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I bought a new car stereo on Friday. A very nice gentleman at Car Toys hooked me up. I had to pay for the installation (usually it’s free) because Idiot Criminal cut my wires, but all in all it was a pretty good deal. And it’s just so lovely:

And he said if I come back (maybe next month) he’ll give me a deal on some new speakers because as he put it, and I quote, “You need new speakers. The installation guy and I were just talking about how crappy they are. It only takes 10 minutes to install them.” I’d be offended but he’s right—they are crappy. I just don’t want to buy speakers that are going to make me go bumping to the base line down the road like some moron. And guys, if you do that, stop. It’s not sexy. You look like an idiot.

So if you see a girl rockin out to SexyBack in her little white Honda, be sure to wave. It’s probably me.

Mrrrrrrrewwwwoooooooww!!!!!

HISS!!! Fft fft! Reeeeerrrrrrowowwwwwww.

This is what I woke up to at 4am this morning.

[Bleepity bleep bleep] cat son of a [bleepity].

Some neighborhood cat likes to come and torture my cat. My bedroom is sort of in a basement—the windowsill is even with the ground outside. Jane likes to sit in the windowsill and sleep or chill or soak up some sun during the day. So this morning she was chillin on the sill when the frickin frackin neighbor cat (we’ll call him Bob) comes along to taunt her. So then they start fighting through the window. It’s like they’re trying to scratch each other to pieces through the glass.

If it hadn’t been 4am, it might have been funny.

But you would not believe the noise this causes. Not only are both scratching the window and prancing about and hissing and moaning and bitching and meowing, but Jane is also running back and forth smashing around the blinds on my window and causing me great sleep deprivation. Bob isn’t helping because he keep pacing about outside.



This isn’t the first time they’ve had an episode like this. My friend told me to get a squirt bottle and spray the intruder through my screen. Of course I didn’t listen, so I had no squirt bottle. So I stumble out of bed, try to wrap a blanket around myself so I don’t flash anyone who might be up at 4am, throw open the window and start spraying the shit out of the cat with…yes folks, my hairspray.

Apparently at 4am I am white trash.

And the cat backed off for a while, but wouldn’t give it up, so I decided that I was just going to kick Jane’s butt out of my room and shut my doors (which I have never done before). Of course, Jane’s in fight mode, so this won’t be easy if I want to keep my appendages. So in a further display of classy behavior, I take the blanket off, grab my cat with it, and toss her out as she drools and hisses and claws at me. I put her on the other side of my door and say “you’re sleeping upstairs.” She looks at me, totally dejected, and runs upstairs.

Bob’s not quite done yet, though, and in a last-ditch effort he scratches at my window again to see if Jane will come back. Ha ha you little shit, game’s up!



When I opened my bedroom door this morning, there was Jane at the top of my stairs, looking quite pissed with her ears back. She gave me a resounding “me-OW!” and walked off. But she loved me again once I gave her some food.

So I’ll be stopping off at the store after work for a spray bottle.

…And a new bottle of hairspray. And maybe something to clean the sticky residue off my window screen.


But I caved. I bought my shoes. They should be here on Wednesday. Hey, I needed some shoe therapy.