D'oh!

Be sure to visit this website and vote for

SPRINGFIELD, OREGON

to host the premier of The Simpsons!

It's only right---Matt Groening is FROM Oregon, not to mention the numerous references to Oregon in the show...like Ned Flanders.

Straight outta Flanders street, people! :)

Where are the May flowers?

Oh, they're hiding from the rain.

The days are filled with boredom here at work…the students have finished the semester and there is only so much internet you can surf, you know?

If you were a real friend, you’d go post something entertaining on your blog.

In the interest of time-wasting, I came upon a South Park Character Creator and envisioned myself as follows:



Had a hard time choosing the right hair…none of them really encompassed my style.

My best friend is graduating tomorrow, so it’s party time. She has struggled her way through school, and she’s finally earned her teaching degree. She had a rough start back in 2000 and got a little too much into the social scene at college. She took a year off, and then went to community college. She finally transferred to Portland State and completed her bachelor’s degree in December ‘05. Her transcripts weren’t great considering her rough start, so she had to fight to get into an MAT program…but it paid off, and she was accepted. She’s a good illustration of what happens when you’re finally doing something you love: she went from a 2.5 in undergrad to a 4.0 as a graduate student. Even though she doesn’t read this blog (or even know that it exists), I’m proud of her.

…

It’s 3:00 and I have nothing to do. This is baaaaad. It’s only going to get worse next week. Too bad I can’t bring in my homework!

So in the interest of keeping busy, I have been having waaaaay too much fun with Google Satellite Maps.

Here, you can see my hood. I live somewhere within this grid, but it's a secret:



Here, you can see one of my favorite downtown buildings...the Urban Center at Portland State. Also where I spend much of my graduate school time--



Then I found the 'hood where I grew up--



And hey! There's the house I lived in during college! I used to mow that lawn, y'all:



Then I got to thinking...I wonder if they have satellite images of Quito (where I spent five glorious months back in '03)



That was my house!!! (Bottom arrow). The top arrow is where I sat drinking coffee at my favorite internet cafe. Also where I got a bus to go to school...Hey! Can I find my school?!



Entirely too much fun, people. Satellite images are just the right mix of cool and creepy.

And I know this is mean, but laughed when I read this. Do you think she'll actually go?

Ned Flanders would get it.

I’ve seen this circulated through e-mail and MySpace and Buddha knows what else dozens of times, but you know, it just doesn’t stop being funny! Besides Tristan and maybe Linda who used to live over here, these may not seem funny to you, but laugh anyway! I’m going to bold the ones that are true for me.

I present to you—

You know you’re from the Pacific Northwest when…



Your children learned to walk in Birkenstocks.
You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty.
You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid.
You only honk your horn if collision is imminent and never for anything else.
You consider something a "hill" (not a mountain) if it doesn't have snow on it or has not recently erupted, regardless of its altitude.
You consider "etiquette" a foreign word.
Most of your friends are from California.
You find a wallet with $500 and give it back to the owner.
You used to live somewhere else but won't admit it publicly.
You've ever ordered a half caff/decaf, nonfat mocha grande with sugar-free cranberry whip (or you know what it is).
You know a bride & groom that registered at REI.
If someone ran your car off the highway, you might drown.
You'd be miffed if the store was out of your favorite brand of water.
Every day is casual Friday.
Hear the word "ferry" and think of boats and long waits.
Know at least eight people who work for Intel or Nike, or used to work for Tektronix. (I know 12)
You think skiing always means being covered from head to toe, in snow or water.
Know that Boring is a town and not just a state of mind.
Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat. (My costumes were)
You return from a California vacation depressed because "all the grass was dead."
Remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power and phone service for every winter weather event in the last five years.
Have ever called your insurance agent to ask if your homeowner’s policy covers falling trees, flooding, or mud slides
You never go camping without waterproof matches, ponchos, and mattress pads that double as flotation devices.
You believe swimming is not a sport but a survival skill to prevent boating deaths.
You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have the names of microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them. (I only have like 3)
You think downtown is "scary" because you were panhandled there, once. (Panhandlers are not scary).
You replace your hiking boots with Birkenstock or Teva sandals when the weather gets above 60 degrees.
You believe people who use umbrellas are wimps or Californians, or both.
Use the statement “sun break” and know what it means.
You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the “Walk” signal. (I totally do this!)
You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye Salmon.
You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima, and Willamette. Also…Snohomish, Skykomish, Swinomish, Squamish, Squaxim, and Skookumchuck.
In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark - while only working eight-hour days.
You are not fazed by “Today’s forecast: showers followed by rain,” and “Tomorrow’s forecast: rain followed by showers.”
You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.
You notice “the mountain is out” when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
You measure distance in hours.
You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk Season (Fall)
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Oregon.


Hm. I guess I pretty much bolded the whole damn thing! :)

Welcome to the Beaver State

Did you know that it takes precisely 42.036 annoying requests from a 9-year-old and an 11-year-old before you finally break down and shout “FINE! You can go on a goddamn ride!”

You didn’t?

Well, there you are. Learn something new every day.

You guessed it—I went to the Oregon State Fair yesterday. And if you’re ever having one of those days where you think, “man, I’m weird,” just go to a state fair and you’ll remember that you’re practically royalty. There was this woman…I can’t make myself go into details…but she should not be wearing a tube top and daisy dukes.

While I’m at it, did you know it costs an average of $3.50 to go on one blasted ride? ONE ride that lasts like 90 seconds? I can get a Frappucino for that amount, thanks. And it lasts longer than 90 seconds.

Also, if you normally eat pretty healthy and don’t consume fried foods, don’t eat anything at the fair. You will suffer the next day. Trust me.

Furthermore, don’t wear white flip flops (I know what you’re thinking—DUH). Not only are my flips flops toast, but my feet were so dirty that it looked like I was still wearing white flips flops after I took them off. Say it with me-- eeeew.

Originally, I was to meet my mom, step-dad, and two younger siblings at the fair for a rompin good time. Then mom calls and it turns out she has to work until 4:00. So she decides that I can just drive my ass on over and take the kids and my step-dad to the fair and she’ll just meet us there when she gets off work. Oh, but don’t have the kids go on rides till she gets there—she doesn’t want to miss that. So that means I had to drive my butt all the way to the coast, then all the way back to the valley. Luckily I had my hot new stereo and SexyBack to entertain me. Which, in turn, entertained all those who passed me on the freeway as I rocked out.

Well we got to the fair at 1:00. She didn’t get there until 6:00. That means five hours of walking around the fair booths keeping two children at bay while they loathe the fact that they can’t go on rides. But at the 42.036th time asking, dad has a brain hemorrhage gives in and lets them ride two to tide them over.

This, of course, backfires and they only whine louder. Luckily mom arrived shortly thereafter.

Not so luckily, she was ready to go walking around the booths.

On a completely unrelated note, I can’t stop laughing at this story. I know that makes me a bad person.

Oh crap...

She made a headline on msn.com. I swear not all Oregonians are this stupid.

And she's from A-LOW-AH, not Alo-HA.



EDIT 7/17: Now it's really getting ridiculous.