[ If you don't know what movie that's from, we're not friends anymore ;) ]
Let’s talk about marriage.
One of these years – in a galaxy far, far away – I’ll probably get married. But it is definitely not in my immediate future plans. I’m just not “there” yet mentally. Furthermore, I have no idea what I want in a man. If you look at my string of crushes or boyfriends in my life you will notice a trend: they are all very different from each other, and they never end up being who I think they are.
I have this horrible habit of finding interest in someone and then building them up in my mind to be someone they’re not.
This is why I am not ready for that sort of thing.
But a lot of people are. Namely my crazy best friend who got hitched this last weekend. She was all about getting married. She wanted to be married so badly that she didn’t care to whom. I don’t see this lasting. I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am.
So here’s my Question Number One: If someone you know is getting married and you think it’s a horrible idea (maybe the guy/girl is mean, maybe they’re too young, whatever) do you say something or do you keep quiet and just let it unfold on its own?
Then there’s my friends who I introduced who got engaged on Monday (they’ll get married next July). They’ve only known each other a few months. Many people think that’s waaaay too fast. Now here’s my issue, and I feel like I totally have a double-standard here. If it were anyone else, I would think they’ve lost their minds. But because it’s them, I just know this was meant to be. He even asked her parents – her mom cried and her dad said he would be “honored to have him as a son-in-law.”
So Question Number Two: How soon is too soon and does it apply to everyone? Is a relationship doomed if they take things “quickly?”
Here’s another debate: women changing their last names. I have no problem with women changing their last names when they get married. I, however, have yet to decide if I want to. I like my last name. It’s unique and I’ve never met another person with it. I would just feel gypped if I married someone with the last name “Jones” or “Smith” or something (sorry to any Smith/Jones that may be reading this). Whenever I have children, they’ll have their father’s last name. But I still haven’t decided.
So Question Three: Do you think it’s necessary for a woman to change her last name when she gets married? Why or why not?
Also, you know that saying "Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Well, this will be my fourth time. I personally think the saying should be "Three times a bridesmaid, DAMN you must be a good friend!"
OK, we’ll start there.
On a side note, anyone else think it’s a little weird that I got carded for buying Sparklers
but not for buying a bottle of wine?
7 comments:
1. Yes. I would say something. I may not do it forcefully like "I'm not going to let you marry him/her", but I would voice my concerns. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't.
2. I'm not sure time is a big thing. I would want to wait a minimum of maybe 3,4, months. Too little? It all depends on the person.
3. No. My mom did. But I wouldn't be upset at all if my future bride didn't. No big deal either way. I've actually seen couples take each others last names so that they have the same hyphenated last name.
Underage kids don't buy wine. So maybe that was a give away. If you were buying vodka, or beer or something like that, then maybe they would have checked.
1. It would depend how well I knew the person. Difficult decision because as we all know "love is blind" and chances are they aren't going to listen to you anyways.
2. Too soon is if you haven't really gotten to know the person. In the beginning of a relationship we are all different, so caught up in the romance. You have to be sure you've seen the real person underneath, and that they've seen the real you.
3. Absolutely not! It's up to the individual & how important their name is to them. I took my husband's last name because we live in a community where he grew up: I got tired of having to say..."you know, P's wife." However, if you have established yourself in a career (or whatever)you may not want to change your name. It can, however, be a bit of a hassle.
...and I, for one, think you must be a DAMN good friend.
Love that film :D
1. I'm not sure I'd say anything unless it was a very worrying thing (i.e. if the person was getting beaten up or something). I don't think I'd like to be told something like that anyway.
2. I think it all depends both on the couple and circumstances. Each couple will have their own rhythm, and no one from the "outside" can really say if they're rushing into it or going too slow. (Though I admit that I did think your friends had gone too fast - but again, they know best, and it looks like a match "made in heaven" (or by Junniper (TM) :P)
3. You are probably familiar with the fact that in the Spanish-speaking world women do not change their last names when they get married. However, I will say that if I lived in an English-speking country (or any other with that same tradition) I really wouldn't mind changing it unless I disliked my partner's last name for some reason.
Sparklers are so much fun! But over here they are also frowned upon nowadays :(
Loved your rant on marriage! Some of it is hitting close to home for me. Five years ago, I had wanted to be married so bad, I couldn't stand it and now today when it's staring at me in the face, I'm getting cold feet! (I'm gonna get in big trouble for this)!
How soon is too soon? I think each situation is different. Whenever, I marry I am seriously considering keeping my name! NOt sure how he'll take it but will cross that bridge when I get to it!
LOVE Sparklers! Yes, I would consider you a good friend but dont discount me since I don't know what movie that's from!
Why not let a desaster happen?! Will certainly make for some good stories in the future and nights of talking.
I love the Princess Bride. Love it love it. Yay.
#1: Say something!
#2: Yes and yes.
#3: Of course it isn't, so long as the husband allows his new property to keep her old surname.
By the way, "Three times a bridesmaid, DAMN your friends have judgement issues!" could be better.
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