Although really----they could work for any city, couldn't they?
I must admit I'm a little upset that there is no North Portland Barbie or St. John's Barbie. Hmph.
Vancouver Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Hawthorne Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Midtown Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
Lake Oswego Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of Rolls Royce convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Beaverton Barbie
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Stark Street Barbie
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
Clackamas Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
West Hills Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.
Pearl District Barbie
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.
Forest Heights Barbie
This princess Barbie is sold only at The Galleria. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade, Prada and LV Handbags, Rolex watch a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a 25,000 sq ft. patio home. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
Estacada Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Gresham, Hillsboro, and other suburbs Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top Also available with a mobile home.
5 comments:
Oh. My. Word.
This is awesome - I have seen other versions from other cities.
My little 'hood, Woodstock, was not represented either! I am so sad. I grew up closest to Hawthorne Barbies, and I died laughing when I read the Forest Heights Barbie is only available at the Galleria. Hehe.
Did you just make all those up?
And if so, where on Earth are the pictures from? Impressive.
Ok that pretty much made no sense to me LOL.
Estacada Barbie made me laugh.
And Vancouver Barbie is just plain racist/hilarious if I am taking it the right way. I especially like the ball cap on the baby in the stroller.
Madge--I know, I did too! I laughed so hard at the Galleria one!
Adam--Oh hell no--a friend sent it to me in an email...I'm not sure who made them originally.
A/B--I know, the Vancouver one is awful, isn't it? Especially with the "Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant."
haha, that's hilarious... I think you're right, they probably could be applied to almost any city.
Reminds me of that SNL skit with "Gangsta Bitch Barbie and Pimp Daddy Ken."
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