I had dinner with an old friend of mine last night.
He is seriously one of my favorite people—has been since high school. But I’m worried about him. He had something really tragic happen only a few months ago involving his significant other and I really don’t want to get into specifics. But the end result was his boyfriend committing suicide in their home.
My friend (we’ll call him Joe) is in the middle of beginning a new career in a division of law enforcement. At the time of the incident with his boyfriend, he was in the middle of basic training and getting placed and starting his new career, and it sounds weird to say it, but the suicide was horrible timing. He hasn’t had time to really accept what happened.
As a result, I don’t think Joe has really had a chance to grieve or to talk to anyone about what happened. I asked him if he’s gone to counseling or anything, and he’s gone a couple of times, but the counselors were too busy wanting to talk about when he “came out” than to talk about the problem at hand. My friend came out in high school (which had its own horror stories), but that’s part of his resolved past. What he needs now is to talk to someone about the suicide.
He hasn’t gone in the room where it happened since. Until a couple of nights ago, he couldn’t sleep in their bedroom—he slept on the couch in the living room for months.
He’s excelling in his career, but when I talk to him, I can tell he’s not the same. He seems hollow and unhappy. And no, I don’t think he should have gotten “over it” by now. Not at all. I don’t think that’s the kind of thing you can really ever get over. But he seems like he’s in denial and in depression. And I’m worried that it’s going to get the better of him and he’s going to succumb to it and perhaps never be the same.
I’m not really looking for any kind of response from my dear readers…it was just something I need to get off my chest. Maybe writing it down will help me see the situation more clearly so I can help him in any way I can. But for now I guess my only option is to be there… and to listen when he’s ready to talk.
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2 comments:
Oh my - what a tragic story. Your friend truly is a difficult situation - I hope he'll manage to get on by and by somehow.
On another note - I'd like to say a BIG congratulations on your new job. Here's wishing you all the best. Even if you post less regularly I do hope you'll say hello and tell us your stories from time to time :)
Good luck on your new start.
I guess there are two ways of looking at this situation.
You can be very worried about him, do to the line of work he is in. Is he a threat to himself? Will he put himself or others in harms way? If so, what can you, as a friend, do? Or should you do anything?
The other side, and the one I would lean towards myself, granted I don't know him, is that this trauma only occurred a few months ago. Is that enough time to "move on"? Absolutely not. Is it odd for him to seem "hollow"? I don't think so.
I guess the question is whether or not his possible depression is more than the usual depression one would expect to feel when they lose a loved one.
I think all you can do is keep an eye on him, and keep talking to him. If he doesn't get better, or god forbid, get worse, than maybe it's time to act. Right now, I think it's something you have to keep monitoring, but can we say his feelings are unexpected?
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