God got me.
My dad calls last night. “So how’s my little felon? Still on the lam?”
“Huh?”
“Have you checked your email?”
“No…”
“Well, I scanned a postcard you got in the mail today—you might want to check it out.”
Naturally, first thing this morning I check my email. I have a postcard from the University of Utah for a $22 parking ticket I got on my Toyota on October 3.
Whazzat?
1. I’ve never been to the University of Utah.
2. I have no affiliation whatsoever with the University of Utah.
3. I do not drive a Toyota.
4. I was definitely not in Utah on October 3.
This smells like trouble. Not only was my correct name on the card, but my address (well, my dad’s address). How on earth, praytell, could this have happened?
So I call Commuter Services in Utah this morning.
“Hi, I got a parking ticket notification in the mail, but I have no affiliation with the University and I wasn’t in Utah.”
“Oh…OK. Do you have the ticket number?”
I give him the ticket number.
“Yeah, that ticket was issued to you on October 3rd. It’s attached to your parking permit, you were parking in a no-parking zone.”
“No, no. You’re not listening to me. That wasn’t me. I’m not even in Utah. I’m in Oregon. I have no affiliation with your university. I don’t even drive a Toyota.”
“You don’t drive a Toyota?”
“No.”
“And you don’t go here?”
“No.”
“Have you ever registered or like, taken online classes? That could be why.”
“No, I. Am. In. Oregon.”
“OK, well my boss says she can take the ticket off your record and erase the permit.”
“That’s great, thanks, but the bigger issue here is how you have gotten my name in the first place?”
“Well, the ticket is attached to your account.”
“WHY do I have an account, that is what I’m asking you.”
“I don’t know, I can transfer you over to the registrar.”
“Wait, did you look me up and I am actually in your system?”
“Yeah, your student ID is ######.”
What. The. Hell.
So I get on the phone with the registar, whose phones, irritatingly enough, aren’t working properly today. They must have hung up on me about 3 times.
I replay the situation.
“So you got a parking ticket that shouldn’t have gone to you?”
“Right.”
“Well, let me transfer you to Commuter Services.”
“NO NO NO, I need to find out how your school even has me in your system. I’m worried that someone has stolen my identity.”
“It may just be someone with your name.”
“No, dear, you not only have my name, but you have my address. And my name is not common. I highly doubt there is another Jennifer _____ out there.”
“Oh. Hold on.”
[this is where they hang up on me a few times]
“OK, it appears that this record was created in 1999.”
What. The. Hell.
1999? 1999…..…. OH…1999.
That’s about when I would have been college hunting. And filling out eleventy jillion college info cards at college fairs. And ten’ll get you twenty that I must have filled one out for the University of Utah (NO idea why I would do such a thing—really, I filled them out for just about anywhere).
“OK, I may have filled out a card at a college fair.”
“Oh, yeah, I’ll bet that’s why.”
“But I never even applied there, why would I go into your system?”
“Oh, we put everyone in the system.”
Mmmmkay…
“Well, can you take me out? I mean, it’s been 7 years, and I have no interest in the University of Utah.”
“No, we don’t delete people.”
“You’re telling me that the record was created 7 years ago, there has been zero activity with that account, and you won’t delete it?”
“Sorry, we can’t do that.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No, sorry.”
“Can you guarantee that I will not be contacted by the University or have any other random ass parking tickets sent to me?”
“Well, someone probably just accidentally registered their permit using your ID number instead of their own.”
“Why are you calling it my ID number? It’s not mine. I have no desire for it to be mine.”
“Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“Yeah, tell your school administrators that they’re a bunch of retards.” *
“What was that?”
“Bye.”
* No, I didn't really say that.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
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19 comments:
Hmmmm. What the hell?
I guess the whole "someone used your ID number" probably explains it. But if they do it again, I'm sure you're the one who will get the ticket again. Not them. LOL.
This is funny and scary at the same time. "We don't delete people".
Again though... your ear for dialogue cracks me up.
Monkey pointed me in your direction...
This is one crazy story. But then again, so is Utah...
On an unrelated note, I grew up in Portland; I miss it there so much. I will be checking back here to get my fix. So talk about Portland. A lot!
LOL!! Is there something that doesn't happen to you? You have been in the craziest situations...
Cristina-- I KNOW!! I was starting to wonder if I'm just being a drama queen or something, but seriously the drama finds ME! I don't ask for it, I don't know what is going on!
haha. Silly Mormons.
Hey, great story, I'm posting a link to it in my blog. The main page is Here.
Hope nobody else confuses you in the future, and yes, that college's administration is retarded.
This is the one thing I don't miss about college — THE BUREAUCRACY. The complete and utter ineptitude of large organizations and people in them . . .
. . . made me think of the time my neighbor had to send her transcript SIX TIMES before they got it. Yeah, right.
The crime committed is "aiding and abetting the comission of a felony" which is itself a felony. They are perpetuating identity fraud with full knowledge and consent.
SO, call any lawyer in teh phone book, they will take the case without charging you a dime. You will split the takings with your lawyer and BOOM - free money.
They will settle out of court, of course. It takes them about 30 seconds to email out a memo which says, "Anyone who can prove their identity must have it promptly deleted from our records at their request."
But they won't write the memo until they pay you and your lawyer a lot of money. So, "retard" is a good name for them. Time to prove it.
The crime committed is "aiding and abetting the comission of a felony" which is itself a felony. They are perpetuating identity fraud with full knowledge and consent.
SO, call any lawyer in teh phone book, they will take the case without charging you a dime. You will split the takings with your lawyer and BOOM - free money.
They will settle out of court, of course. It takes them about 30 seconds to email out a memo which says, "Anyone who can prove their identity must have it promptly deleted from our records at their request."
But they won't write the memo until they pay you and your lawyer a lot of money. So, "retard" is a good name for them. Time to prove it.
Tip from digg: call them back and change your information. Who's to say you DON'T live on 1 Santa Claus Lane in the Northern Territories of Canada, or somesuch?
That's lame. They gave me a ticket once for being parked in one of their parking lots after hours. The funny part was that I left the parking lot 2 hours before they told me "after hours" was. They didn't help me at all. Apparently "after hours" that night was earlier than normal for some reason. The UofU is a pain, go BYU! ha
I go to the University of Utah and I can attest to the ineptitude of the administration. They can delete you but like a previous poster said you'll probably have to get a lawyer. I recommend doing it. It's easy money.
My stepson dropped out of Utah last year and recently sent me
a birthday present charged to one of my own credit cards...hmmm
Sounds a little familiar
Have you thought of contacting the authorities, because someone had stolen your identity? I can see the $6/hour idiot working at the registrar being a bit more responsive when they're talking to an FBI agent...
Looks like you made the Digg!
Well I must say I'm glad my story is getting out there! I have to admit I didn't know what Digg was, but now I'm flattered that I'm on there somewhere! I will definitely take all of your advice. I'm waiting to hear back from the VP about deleting my account, and if they still won't, you bet your asses I'll be calling someone. Thanks for visiting!!
This frightens me. it would be so much funnier if it didn't actually happen. Which is why it frightens me.
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