Merry Christmas

DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

VIRGINIA O'HANLON.


VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Yawn

I think my neighbors’ decision to stay up until 2am setting off fireworks (what, does NO ONE ELSE have to work today?!) has decreased my ability to think and see clearly.

A headline on CNN that says “Virginia Fireworks Mishap” looked like

VAGINA FIREWORKS MISHAP

And all I could think was *ouch*.

Although it does kind of remind me of this guy:

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Items of note on this Monday:

1. I do not understand WHY people feel the need to mess with my damn car! I went out to my car Sunday morning to head to the store, and someone had broken into my car. Again. The first time was somewhat funny, but it’s not anymore. I don’t like people messing with my stuff. Whoever it was must have been disappointed not to find anything (I had my face plate off my stereo so they couldn’t take it this time). Then they got into my trunk to rummage around but once again found nothing. I think they were probably

A) Looking for my face plate—many people just take it off and leave it in the glove box, for example--

or

B) Seeing if I had a stereo in my trunk as many people do.

Luckily, once again, they just jimmied my door and did not break my window. And it’s a long shot, but I am actually wondering if it might be the same moron from before because the way s/he left my car was verrrry similar to the last time. My door wasn’t closed all the way and my trunk was partially open. Perhaps this person figured I must have replaced my stereo by now so they thought they’d snag stereo #2. Fool!


2. My mock arbitration hearing went very well. I am a damn good arbitrator if I do say so myself. It was interesting to see the two sides present their cases—they were ready to draw blood! It was pretty funny, actually. Not to mention there was some shameful sucking up going on since I was the arbitrator. I could get used to that. ;)

3. The Bachelorette Party was a blast and a half. We started off the evening at the bride-to-be’s house for some pre-drinking and party games. They were of course all dirty—including a contest for shaping the best penis out of play dough as well as a “deep-throat” contest using a banana. I won one of these two games, but I will not say which for I am a lady, dammit!

We then headed to our dance class, which I mentioned in my previous post. It turns out it wasn’t actually a pole-dancing class like I originally thought. It was just exotic dancing, but pole dancing classes are offered. We learned this fantastic routine of sorts to Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.” It was a lot of fun, I must say. It’s totally out of the comfort zone, of course, because there was much discussion of putting the va-jay-jay out there during the dance. We were clothed, but the idea when you actually perform the dance for someone is to be naked or at least be naked by the end of the dance if you know what I’m sayin. ;)

After we were all sexed up we headed downtown to the Irish Festival to get our drink on. Surprisingly, it wasn’t at busy as I would have thought. We didn’t have to wait in line at all to get in, so that was nice. There was plenty ‘o green beer and sody bread a-flowin. The band in the tent we were in was really fantastic. They were so damn energetic, too! After they finished their set I went to talk to the good-looking fiddle-player and he was bouncing off the walls, I tell you! He gave me a free pass to get in on Sunday but I had to finish up a term paper so I wasn’t able to go. :( Too bad. But it was a lot of fun.

4. I’m glad to have two weeks off from class, man! I still have to write up my arbitration decision, but then it’s free time until April. I just don’t know what I’m going to do with myself! I think perhaps I will have to visit friends who have been neglected by my busy schedule. I feel a game night coming on…

Still here

I’m having surgery on Friday. This recent realization has me slightly freaked out.

But it is the new year! And although the ridiculous things that happened to me over the year (blog hijacking, root canal, sinus fiasco, stolen stereo, random parking ticket, rat in my toilet, crazy bridezilla) offer good blogging material, I’d like to have a less eventful 2007. Sound good to you?

I ended up ringing in the new year in Seattle. My friends and I decided to get out of town so we stayed in Bellevue and drove downtown to the party at the Space Needle. It was fun and all, but not the “crazy fun party” the Seattle-ites insisted it would be. The fireworks shot from the needle were fantastic, though.



Then we tried to get out of Seattle, and inexplicably found ourselves on Queen Anne Hill. We kept going and went up and over the hill, only to come full circle back at the goddamn Space Needle. We found our way to I-5 soon, however, and headed back to the hotel.

So in honor of this new, beautiful year, I offer this New Year Survey, and suggest you fill it out for yourself! It’s a thinker.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
Took graduate school classes.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I normally don’t make resolutions—they’re kind of silly. I mean, if you want to change something in your life, why wait until January 1st? Do it now!
I do, however, hope to up my exercise soon. I haven’t had a good work-out in months. I blame it on the ridiculous congestion that prevents me from breathing and makes me feel like I’m going to pass out because I’m not getting enough oxygen. But theoretically, 2 weeks after the surgery, I should be able to get it going again.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope, not in ’06.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Well, it might seem strange that I never mentioned this before, but my aunt died several weeks ago. I started to blog about it, but didn’t finish because I couldn’t really decide what to say. I hadn’t seen her in about a decade—she was a drug addict and estranged herself from the family. My mom went to visit her finally, and brought back pictures. At 45, she looked like my grandmother right before she died. My aunt was addicted to meth and heroin (as far as we know), and by the time she got clean, it was too late. She had Hep C & permanent brain damage and was living on disability. She got pneumonia and died.
5. What countries did you visit?
I didn’t go anywhere this year, really. I went to Washington, and that’s sort of close to Canada, right?
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Better health, please.
7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
None in particular, really. September 25th was good because I started school.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being accepted into and starting graduate school. And kicking ass while working full time and being full of snot.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I wasn’t able to convince my best friend that her impending marriage was a mistake. I hope I’m wrong and that they’ll live happily ever after, but I doubt it.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Hahahahhaaa. That’s funny.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hmmmm…I didn’t buy anything really big…so I’ll have to say my new computer. And the following shoes:

Upon which I now feel the need to have these shoes:

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I’d have to say the American voter. Looks like they are starting to figure some things out!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
There’s the usual—the president and his blind followers who still fail to see the huge mistake that is Iraq. 3,000 of our own soldiers dead. How many more will we have to see?
14. Where did most of your money go?
Well, now that I’m an “adult,” the correct answer is rent, bills, car insurance, groceries and the like. But some went to school, a new computer, and you guessed it—shoes!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The election. I was jumping up and down. I don’t think I got anything done that day at work.
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” – Rolling Stones
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? About the same, really. Maybe a little happier, regardless of 2006’s fiascos. b) thinner or fatter? I’m pleading the fifth on that one. c) richer or poorer? About the same. My raise in June didn’t do jack.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had seen more movies. But they’re so damn expensive that I probably won’t change that this year.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Getting frustrated and worked up over things I cannot control. I never thought I was a control-freak, but I think I may have to admit that I am. I don’t like things that I cannot change.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas was great. Just fantastic.
21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Nope.
22. How many one-night stands?
Oh for crying out loud. This survey was doing so well. The correct answer is zero.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
House. I miss it. I have to wait until next week to see it again.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Uh, no.
25. What was the best book you read?
Ooh, tough call… I’m going to have to go with The Kite Runner. If you haven’t read it, go do it. Run, don’t walk. I also recommend The Time Traveller’s Wife and The Memory Keeper’s Daughter. I do not recommend Running with Scissors. I was horrified.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hmmm…Snow Patrol, KT Tunstall, Hinder, Damien Rice.
27. What did you want and get?
Accepted into grad school.
28. What did you want and not get?
World peace.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Little Miss Sunshine, hands down.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
A few things—good friends, good food, good times. I hit the big 2-5.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I would have loved it if my sinuses had cleared up after the first round of antibiotics. Ah, what a lovely thought.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
The usual. I like fashion, but I’m too broke sensible to buy extravagant things. I do have a shoe-shopping problem, though.
33. What kept you sane?
My friends. My family. This blog.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Fancy? Is this a British survey? Well, I fancy several famous people: Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, Ty Pennington, Hugh Laurie, Barack Obama, and Taylor Hicks to name a few.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Yeah. Like I could narrow it down to one. But for the sake of this survey, I will say a pointless, violent, tragic war that is unnecessary and severely detrimental to the entirety of the world. Troy will fall again. Mark my words.
36. Who did you miss?
My friends that live far away (yes, even Bridezilla).
37. Who was the best new person you met?
I met a lot of people in 06—but the new people I like most are the friends I made in school.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
Keep your toilet lid closed at all times.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
nothing unusual

nothing strange

close to nothing at all

the same old scenario

the same old rain

and there's no explosions here

“Amie” – Damien Rice


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If I don’t get a chance to update in the next couple of days, I promise I will keep you posted on my surgery this weekend.

Merry Christmas, Darling

To you and yours, and all who celebrate it, Merry Christmas. For anyone else out there, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Boxing Day, Happy End-of-December.

All will be merry and bright—

I post this each year (which I would link to if Mr. Hijacker didn’t interfere), but it’s my favorite thing ever written in this silly little world. Here I post my favorite parts of the famous editorial.



September 21, 1897:

Dear Editor: I am 8 years old.
Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
Papa says, 'If you see it in the sun it's so.'
Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?
--Virginia O'Hanlon



Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside. But there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest man that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, and romance can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No Santa Claus! Thank God he lives, and lives forever.

A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

-- Francis Church

Fiddlesticks

I had a really horrible dream last night. I dreamt that it was the day of my surgery, and I kept accidentally eating stuff, like a piece of toast or a sucker, and then freaking out because I’m not supposed to eat anything after midnight the night before the surgery.

So that was annoying in itself, but then I go in to have the surgery, and the receptionist is like, “Yeah, sorry—we’re not going to be able to do that today. You’ll have to reschedule for sometime in April.”

Needless to say, I was PO’d and started shouting obscenities. I guess I’m a total potty mouth in my dreams. So I ask the lady why we can’t do it and she’s like, “I don’t know, your doctor just didn’t want to.”

So I go hunting around the hospital and find him in a room making balloon animals for a bunch of kids. So I ask him what the deal is, and A) Why we’re not doing the surgery, and B) Why he didn’t call and tell me yesterday. And he says he just didn’t feel like it, so I go off again and say I’m going to find a new doctor. Then he says I can’t, or I’ll have to pay for it all myself.

OK, it may not sound like much, but it was really annoying. I mean, I’m not exactly looking forward to the surgery, but I’m so sick of snot, sinus headaches, coughing, and swollen eyelids in the morning (goddamn ethmoid sinuses) that I am ready to do ANYTHING to make it all go away.

Hrmph.

::::::

In other news, I’m still really really bored at work. So what does Jennifer do when she’s bored? She plays with Microsoft Paint!

I should do this for a living.

::::::

In other other news, I’m looking forward to Christmas—it’s my favorite time of year. I’ve had my radio tuned to the Christmas station since the day after Thanksgiving. I just love it because it’s a time when I get to spend time with my family (which sounds corny, but it’s true). I don’t get to see my grandpa, aunt & uncle, or cousins very often, so it’s always fun to get together on Christmas Eve to have general merriment! :) Not to mention I love watching my little brother and sister on Christmas morning—so much fun!

::::::

I am painfully bored here at work, so here’s a painfully boring survey that I filled out. If you are equally bored, please fill it out for yourself…it will give me something to read!!

1. Hi my name is...Jennifer

2. Never in my life have I...Done drugs

3. The one person who can drive me nuts...One person? Um, there's several.

4. Favorite Teacher?Of all time? That's tough... Byron Steiger (aka Mr. Burns)

5. When I'm nervous...I bite my nails

6. The last time I cried was...Yesterday I laughed so hard that I cried!

7. If I were to get married right now my maid of honor/best man...Crappety crap. Can't they just all be my MOH?

8. My hair is...Getting long!

9. When I was 5...My grandma died

10. Last Christmas...I didn't put any presents on a credit card.

11. I should be...Working...but I have nothing to do.

12. When I look down I see...My keyboard...exciting stuff going on over here.

13. The craziest recent event was...Inexplicably finding a dead rat in my toilet.

14. If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be...Monica

15. By this time next year...I will be able to breathe freely!

16. My current gripe...That I might be stuck with a famously psychotic professor next term.

17. I have a hard time understanding...Why Oregonians can't drive in the rain. I mean, we're Oregonians! Helllooooo!!

18. There's this girl I know who...Is going to be a fantastic teacher.

19. You know what the weather is going to be by... Remembering where I live. RAIN!

20. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be...Probably my dad.

21. Take my advice...Don't go out walking when zombies are on the loose.

22. My ideal breakfast...French toast...alas I rarely have it.

23. If you visited the place I was born...You would be unimpressed.

24. I plan to visit someone...In Alaska in June!!

25. If you spent the night at my house....I'd have a fabulous air bed for you.

26. I'd stop my wedding if...My fiance cheated.

27. The world could do without...Unnecessary war.

28. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than...Hold a spider.

29. Most recent thing that I have bought?I can't tell you, it's a Christmas present.

30. Most recent thing someone else bought for me...My friend got me a coffee mug in St. Louis.

31. My favorite blonde is...My little bro and sis.

32. My favorite brunette is...Me. I'm fantastic.

33. My favorite bald guy is...Um...Mr. Clean.

34. My middle name is...Lynn

35. This morning I...Begrudgingly woke up.

36. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are...Giraffes. I mean, wouldn't that be funny?

37. Once, at a bar...I dealt with friends' bizarre escapades. Oh wait, that's more than once.

38. Last night I was...Watching "Bones." Booth is hot.

39. There's this girl I know that....Is getting married in July!

40: I don't know...The square root of 784,525,455.568

41. A better name for me would be...Jennifer, Princess of North Portland

42. If I ever go back to school I'll say..I'm in school.

43. my birthday is....October 19th

44. What I really want for Valentine's Day is…Flowers. I haven’t gotten flowers in a long time.
45. I'm wearing...My comfy purple sweater

46. Tomorrow I am...Going to my best friend’s for our annual dinner/gift exchange!

47. The last thing I ate was...A Clementine orange

48. I really want to learn...Everything.

Thank you, thank you...

Jenniper: Time’s Person of the Year.

That has a lovely ring to it, doesn’t it? I would just like to thank the academy for this honor. This will look excellent on my resume.

::::::

It is frosty this morning! Brrrrrrr!! I had to scrape off some major ice on my car this morning. And I have yet to take off my scarf. I tried to, but this horribly frigid ice blast hit my neck and I couldn’t do it.

A couple of my friends had a Christmas party on Saturday, and it was oh-so fun. Good food, good company, just good all around. It was my old coworker and her girlfriend, who just happens to be a chef. So needless to say, the hors d'oeuvres were fabulous. They also set up a primo bar with do-it-yourself mixers and such. It was an excellent idea.

The best part, though, is that every year they pick a charity or an organization and make that the “theme” of the party. Last year they chose the dog shelter where they adopted their pup, and instead of everyone bringing a hostess gift, they bring something for the shelter (like dog food, toys, etc.). This year, they chose p:ear, an organization that helps homeless & transitional youth. One way they do that is through art—so this year, we all brought art supplies for p:ear.

Full of warm fuzzies, no?

::::::

Is it Friday yet? Next week I'm on vacation!!

We're goin to the zoo, zoo, zoo

How about you, you, you?

You can come too, too, too,

We're goin to the zoo, zoo, zoo.

We began our adventure along the corridor of light--all was peaceful in the rain.

We soon came upon what appeared to be a wildlife colony, with a lovely blue stream flowing through it.

Upon closer look, we saw monstrous beasts crawling toward us! His jaws were chomping, but alas he could not reach us.

He soon turned his attention to a lovely elephant and her child. We were afraid the beast would try and attack them, but mom sprayed him with water!

Then the King of the Zoo arrived to save the day, and insisted that the beast control himself...after all, this is a family establishment.

I suspect this brave soul may be a relative of our dear Monkey.

::::::

So that was some windstorm last night, huh?? I haven't had a good one like that in years, so it was lovely. Miraculously, I only lost electricity for about a minute and half. But I had a lovely evening anyway listening to the wind howl.

::::::

And if I saw a deer with seven legs and both reproductive organs, I sure's hell wouldn't eat the damn thing.

Is there any new business?

1. Good riddance to a violent dictator responsible for thousands of deaths and disappearances.



2. Two weeks left until Christmas. Yikes!

3. For my computer geek friends (you know who you are)--I need a suggestion for a FREE, RELIABLE internet browswer. I've had it with Internet Explorer at home. I downloaded the latest version and it's totally retarded. So can you recommend a browser that is easy to download and is SIMPLE to operate? Remember you're dealing with a simple-minded internet gal.



4. Macy's downtown store (formerly Meier and Frank) is closing for a year for renovations, which means all of the employees are being redistrubuted or given severence. My sister, of course, is a manager downtown, so she was vying for a management position at the HUGE Macy's at Southcenter Mall near Seattle. Well, she got it! So now she's moving up there, and starts the day after Christmas. Crazy, huh? So now I'll have to help her move (I hate moving, even if it's not me).

5. The Holiday is such a totally cute girly girly chick flick. Adorable. Ladies, go see it.

Happiness and Cheer

So, a couple weeks ago I announced the date for my surgery. Well, Amy, the schedule lady, told me she’d call the following week to schedule my pre-op appointment.

Amy never called.

So this morning I went online to check the time of an appointment I have tomorrow, and lo and behold, there is suddenly a pre-op appointment set for me on the 29th.

Yes, that works for me, yes, I knew I would need a pre-op about a week before the surgery, but how is it that they made an appointment without calling me? And if I hadn’t just happened to look on the website, would I have ever known? I mean come on. And then I called them today, left a message, and have not heard a peep back.

Do I really want these people rooting around my head?

: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :

On a much much lighter note, Portland is such a lovely city during Christmastime. I keep meaning to bring my camera along on my excursions to get real-life pictures, but of course I keep forgetting. That will be my mission for the next week.

This is my must-do Christmas list for my city—

Peacock Lane



Where else can you see an entire street of homes you can’t afford lit to the nines with Christmas lights? I used to go as a child with my grandmother, and then my family after she died, so naturally, the tradition lives on. Park at the Walgreens, go buy some snacks (be sure to get cash back to give a “donation” to the guy handing out hot chocolate), and wander down the street. If you can afford to do the horse & carriage ride, go for it, but no driving. That’s cheating.

Portland International Raceway



Yes, it’s overpriced, yes, it’s silly. But they’re just so pretty. And what other time can you drive 10mph on a race track?

Oregon Zoo Lights



Monkeys swinging from tree to tree, hippos squirting out water as you ride on the train. Dozens of school choirs singing carols. It’s the only way to see the zoo.

The Pittock Mansion



Antique toys strewn about a lovely decorated 23-room mansion. Fantastic panoramic views of my city. Need I say more?

The Christmas Ship Parade



Grab some hot chocolate, put on your layers, and welcome me on my bridge as we watch dozens of ships float by, beautifully decorated and lit up for the holidays! What other city would have something so fabulous?

Pioneer Courthouse Square



Stand in the square, marvel at the lovely Christmas Tree (which they have made PC and now call the “Holiday Tree” but whatev). From there, wander down Broadway to see the rest of the lights around town.

Festival of Lights at the Grotto



No, I’m not Catholic, but there’s something so peaceful about the Grotto at Christmastime. It’s something my grandmother loved almost as much as Peacock Lane.

The Nutcracker



Yes, perhaps the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies will get stuck in your head for days, but it’s not-to-be-missed. If for no other reason than to see all the cute little ballerinas dancing about!



The Meier and Frank store windows used to be on my list, but alas…Macy’s has taken over and replaced the 12 Days of Christmas windows. They’re cute and all with the Santas in the windows, but it’s just not the same, you know?

Sing a song of sixpence

Alright, people. We finally have a date.

January 5th.

So perhaps I can start the new year breathing freely. Well...at least a month into it or so. And my first class of the new term will be on January 10th, so that will give me five days to recuperate. I'm definitely going to take a week off of work, though. So I won't go back to work until the 12th at the earliest.



**************************************************************

So the biggest shopping day of the year is on Friday, so I thought I should give you a heads up on what I want you to get me for Christmas:



Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the Victoria's Secret "Fantasy Bra." It's completely covered in diamonds, and I think it's only $6.6 million this year. Better get those loan forms filled out!

[Doesn't that thing look totally uncomfortable? And doesn't it...pinch?]

***************************************************************

In other news, my friend picked out her wedding dress on Sunday, and it is very lovely. Needless to say, now she's even more excited than she already was. I need a more intense phrase than "bouncing off the walls" because kids, she's outta control excited.



And our bridesmaids dresses aren't too bad, either:





For my friends in the US of A who celebrate it, have a fantastic Thanksgiving!

That's it. I'm putting my bra in the freezer.

Bloody hell it’s hot.

I mean, it’s Portland. It’s not supposed to be 104 degrees. I like my summers to consist of low-80s temps with upper 50s as a low at night to cool things off.

Right now at 1 pm it’s already 91 degrees. That’s disgusting.

When the Pacific Northwest gets smog advisories, you know there’s a problem.


Having said that, it was an interesting weekend. I had to dog/house sit on Friday night, and my friends’ house was boiling. Poor pup was just gulping water, and I shamefully ate a pint of ice cream to cool down. Shut up. I went hiking on Sunday so they cancel each other out.

Saturday morning I left for the coast (ahhhh, cool air) to visit the fam. My aunt and uncle from Michigan are visiting, so we had some quality family time. We went to the Summer Festival in Toledo (redneckiest kinda town you can find, man) on Saturday night to watch their fireworks display. And I’m telling ya—not counting Disneyland, that was the best damn fireworks show I have ever seen. Ever. It was bitchin. The whole damn show was like a grand finale. Beautiful!

Because my aunt and uncle were sleeping in the guestroom, my sis and I got stuck crashing in our parents’ camping trailer thing. It was actually quite comfortable out there, though. And nice and cooooool. But in the middle of the night, something woke me up—the trailer was shaking and some animal was clearly circling us with great interest. It was going around and around the trailer pretty quickly making this hernk hernk hernk noise. It was very bizarre if not slightly unsettling, but it finally decided to go away.

I’m still not quite sure what it was. My step-dad said it was probably a raccoon, but I’m not sure what world he’s living in where raccoons are big enough to rattle a trailer and go “hernk hernk hernk.” My mom said it could have been a bear because they come up out of the gulley once in a while, but my bet’s on some neighbor’s dog. But who really knows.

Maybe it was Bigfoot. He knew there were some hotties in there and he was lookin for a party.

Inexplicably, the fam felt the need to drive back into the Willamette valley on Sunday to go hiking at Silver Falls. And I love Silver Falls, but why why why would you want to leave the beautiful coastal breeze and head back into the depths of hell?? It was unpleasant. And there’s not much for swimming in them thar parts. I mean, they’re waterfalls. You can’t exactly take a dip in raging waters.


I haven’t taken a hot shower in like a week. And while cold showers are very refreshing in oppressive heat, they’re murder on my hair.

Or maybe that’s the smog.