Hey Recycling Guy!

Quiz brought to you by Adam's Blog.

Bad news, girls.

Chivalry is dead.

Or at least suffering from sort of debilitating virus. It’s quite tragic, really.

A few days ago I was downtown after the Macy’s Holiday Parade (nothing like New York’s of course). My little brother and sister were in it, so I had to drag my butt out of bed to go watch it, of course.

So I part ways with my parents and decide to head home, and as I pull out of the parking garage, I feel a funny dragging with my car.




Sonufa…

Flat tire. Flat flat flat. I must have run over something in the garage.

So I pull over to the side, and flip on my emergency flashers. I get out my spare, my jack, and my lugnut wrench to get to work.

Just my luck, I can’t get my jack up. My guess is that it’s just tight from not being used for so long. I mean, I haven’t used it since I got the car almost two years ago. So the punk was too tight for me to loosen.

So I call the fam to see if they’re still downtown so I can enlist the help of my step-dad. They are, but they had just ordered lunch so they’d have to eat it real quick and then come down.

So I waited there on the corner of Broadway and Washington waiting…and waiting. For 30 minutes.

Many a strapping young lad & capable looking men (and women) walked by…and not one damn person said a word to me. I mean come on, is this not a damsel in distress moment? I was sure to look distraught in need of assistance, and still nothing. Nada. Zilch.

I mean, there were four guys having coffee directly across the street from me at Seattle’s Best. Could they not spare a few minutes and help me get my jack loose? (K, that sounded kind of risqué).

But seriously?

Must I do something drastic like this?





Puleeeze.

So guys, if you see a damsel in distress, help her out, will you?

Sing a song of sixpence

Alright, people. We finally have a date.

January 5th.

So perhaps I can start the new year breathing freely. Well...at least a month into it or so. And my first class of the new term will be on January 10th, so that will give me five days to recuperate. I'm definitely going to take a week off of work, though. So I won't go back to work until the 12th at the earliest.



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So the biggest shopping day of the year is on Friday, so I thought I should give you a heads up on what I want you to get me for Christmas:



Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the Victoria's Secret "Fantasy Bra." It's completely covered in diamonds, and I think it's only $6.6 million this year. Better get those loan forms filled out!

[Doesn't that thing look totally uncomfortable? And doesn't it...pinch?]

***************************************************************

In other news, my friend picked out her wedding dress on Sunday, and it is very lovely. Needless to say, now she's even more excited than she already was. I need a more intense phrase than "bouncing off the walls" because kids, she's outta control excited.



And our bridesmaids dresses aren't too bad, either:





For my friends in the US of A who celebrate it, have a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Visiting the Bitter Barn

I'm totally in the Bitter Barn today. I'm not really sure why, but I'm feeling extra crappy and snotty today. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the homework free-for-all I have going on, maybe the snot is running out of places to go. Who knows. But I am a Grumpy Grumpterton because of it.

And I have noticed a side effect of my current ailment. I have zero sympathy for people who have colds. Absolutely zero. I just want to take their little heads in my hands, shake them a little, and say, "Sick?? You think you're sick?! I'll show you sick, punk!"

My sister is the latest victim of this side effect. I had a very difficult time not rolling my eyes as she sniffled and looked pathetic and complained that she felt stuffed up.

Stuffed. Up.

I wanted to kill her.

Yes, I realize this is extremely insensitive, but I'm just about to the brink of can't-take-it-anymore status. I'm starting to consider snorting Diet 7up like my dad suggested. Sure, he was joking, but what the hell? Nothing else has worked.


So on that happy little rant (I'll work on my attitude problem, I promise), I would just like to say, I am really excited for some turkey. So excited, in fact, that I felt it necessary to draw you a picture of said turkey, pre-head chopping off:



I just hope my sister is feeling better by Thursday. Because if she talks about her cold during our commute to visit the fam, I might just have to stuff her little snot box in the trunk.


And because I'm not totally selfish, I just need to say that this is really awful.

Oh, and also? HAHAhahahaahaHAHAHAhahaha!!

Purple

I stole this from my new Twilight Zone friend, Madge, who incidentally, has just opened a new blog.

Things I have done in my life (so far): Highlighted Purple

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink

02. Swam with wild dolphins

03. Climbed a mountain (actually it was a volcano)

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone

08. Said I love you and meant it

09. Hugged a tree

10. Bungee jumped

11. Visited Paris

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise

14. Seen the Northern Lights

15. Gone to a huge sports game

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables

18. Touched an iceberg

19. Slept under the stars

20. Changed a baby's diaper

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon

22. Watched a meteor shower

23. Gotten drunk on champagne

24. Given more than you can afford to charity (which I shamefully later regretted)

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

27. Had a food fight

28. Bet on a winning horse

29. Asked out a stranger

30. Had a snowball fight

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can

32. Held a lamb

33. Seen a total eclipse

34. Ridden a roller coaster

35. Hit a home run

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment

39. Had two hard drives for your computer

40. Visited all 50 states

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk.

42. Had amazing friends

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country

44. Watched wild whales

45. Stolen a sign

46. Backpacked in Europe.

47. Taken a road-trip

48. Gone rock climbing

49. Midnight walk on the beach

50. Gone sky diving

51. Visited Ireland

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them

54. Visited Japan

55. Milked a cow

56. Alphabetized your CDs

57. Pretended to be a superhero (what do you mean pretend?)

58. Sung karaoke

59. Lounged around in bed all day

60. Played touch football

61. Gone scuba diving

62. Kissed in the rain

63. Played in the mud

64. Played in the rain

65. Gone to a drive-in theater

66. Visited the Great Wall of China

67. Started a business

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken

69. Toured ancient sites (Roman and Incan!)

70. Taken a martial arts class

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

72. Gotten married

73. Been in a movie

74. Crashed a party

75. Gotten divorced

76. Gone without food for 5 days

77. Made cookies from scratch

78. Won first prize in a costume contest

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

80. Gotten a tattoo

81. Rafted the Snake River

82. Been on television news programs as an expert

83. Got flowers for no reason

84. Performed on stage

85. Been to Las Vegas

86. Recorded music

87. Eaten shark

88. Kissed on the first date

89. Gone to Thailand

90. Bought a house

91. Been in a combat zone

92. Buried one/both of your parents

93. Been on a cruise ship

94. Spoken more than one language fluently

95. Performed in Rocky Horror

96. Raised children

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking

103. Had plastic surgery

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived

105. Wrote articles for a large publication

106. Lost over 100 pounds

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback (???)

108. Piloted an airplane

109. Touched a stingray

110. Broken someone's heart

111. Helped an animal give birth

112. Won money on a T.V. game show

113. Broken a bone

114. Gone on an African photo safari

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (Does a BB Gun count?)

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild

118. Ridden a horse

119. Had major surgery

120. Had a snake as a pet

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon

122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states

124. Visited all 7 continents

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days

126. Eaten kangaroo meat

127. Eaten sushi

128. Had your picture in the newspaper

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about

130. Gone back to school

131. Parasailed

132. Touched a cockroach (not on purpose)

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes

134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey

135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (fish when I went camping!)

137. Skipped all your school reunions

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language

139. Been elected to public office (not yet)

140. Written your own computer language

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care

143. Built your own PC from parts

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you

145. Had a booth at a street fair

146. Dyed your hair

147. Been a DJ

148. Shaved your head

149. Caused a car accident

150. Saved someone’s life

Somebody turn on the sun.

Alright, it’s getting down to the wire, folks. I only have a few weeks left of my first term of grad school, and I have four projects with looming due dates. So if posting is few and far between in the next couple of weeks, it’s not because I don’t love you.

I did, however, find some time to play around with a warping website that lets you play with celebrities.


Angelina "I use children as accessories" Jolie


Britney "K-Fed Wants How Much $??" Spears


Paris "That's Hot" Hilton


George "Heckuva Job" Bush

In other news, I just can’t quite wrap my mind around this. And that’s all I really have to say about that.


In other other news, I got an email from myself the other day. I forgot that I participated in the email time capsule Forbes did last year. And I guess I’m part of the 33% who chose to have it sent in a year.

Apparently I was having a total dork moment because this is all I wrote to myself:

Aha! Self—I’ll bet you forgot you did this, didn’t you? (yes, yes I did) What a strange thing to get a message from yourself in the past. (dork!)

Hopefully you are enrolled at PSU in the Master’s program for Public Admin. Are you? (Yes, I am!) Or are did they decide to be retarded and not let you in? Hopefully you’re not too bogged down with work and nonsense. (Not too bad, no)

Did Megan and Jared finally get married? Or did she wise up? (No, she did not wise up)

I hope things are great this year—if not, go make them be! (I’m too full of mucous, I’ll try again later)

Love,

Yourself.

Like I said: total dork moment. But it was still fun to see it in my Inbox.

Sunofa...

So I still hadn't heard from my doctor about scheduling my surgery, so I called today to see what was up.



Well, turns out, my doctor is totally booked. They only do the schedule 6 weeks out, and he's booked through December. Which, if you remember, is exactly when I was hoping to get it done. So I'm a little frustrated by that, but what can I do?

The appointment lady said they're trying to see if they can put more times in for him, but there's no guarantee. So I had her write on my record for the first week of January if possible, and December if they can squeeze me in. But I probably won't know until next week. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that this is very annoying.

I was sweet as sugar to her (after all, it's not her fault), so maybe she'll be more inclined to help me out. :)

I guess we'll see.

Until then, the snot continues.

Oh, snap.

Dear Ms. K______;
The Registrar's Office has deleted your records from our information system at your request.
Thank you for your inquiry.


Sincerely,

Timothy J. Ebner, Registrar
University of Utah

I want to be a cat in my next life...

Must be tough.

Hyphens

I’m still popping the champagne today after the decimation of snarling elephants yesterday. Yippee!

But I have a story for you. And I swear to Buddha, I am not making this up. And I don’t mean to get into a Nancy-Kerrigan-“why-me” mode, but seriously: Why does the weird shit always happen to me??

So I get home from work tomorrow, run in to use the bathroom and grab my school stuff to go study in the library. So I head downstairs to the throne room and
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Wait for it
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WTF?!!?


A DEAD GODDAMN RAT IN MY TOILET. A RAT! A RAT, PEOPLE! WHY ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH IS THERE A MOTHER-LOVING RAT IN MY TOILET??



Needless to say, the floating carcass nearly scared me half to death, but I am proud to say there was no yelling, fainting, or swearing involved at the time. I just slammed down the toilet seat and ran upstairs to call my landlord.

“Uh, William? This is Jennifer in #____. I have an…unusual situation.”

“Okaaaay…”

“There is a huge dead rat in my toilet.”

“WHAT? Oh my God, I’ll be down in five minutes.”

This is apparently not that rare. Rats will make their way up sewer pipes and out people’s toilets. If you’re really lucky, they’ll still be alive when they emerge, and if your lid’s open, they’ll jump out and terrorize you! Isn’t that fun!? Luckily, my lid was down, so the little bastard drowned.

Five minutes more of holding my bladder as I stand trying to shake off the heebie-jeebie disgustingness of the situation, he knocks on my door, rubber gloves and bucket in hand.

We head down to the bathroom where he peeks in the lid, slams it down and shouts “Oh my lord!
….
….
….
Um, did you try flushing it?”

“Uh, no.”

“K, I’m going to try flushing it.”

“What if it gets stuck??”

“Well…theoretically, if it came up, it should go back down, right?”

“Um, I guess so…well, the plunger’s next to the toilet if you need it.”

*flush*

Little bastard didn’t go down.

*flush*

Still won’t go down.

Admitting defeat, William looks at me, sighs, and says “I’m going in.”

“Do you want like a paper towel or something?”

“No, I just need some scotch.”

So he reaches his gloved hand in, picks it up by it’s tail, and drops its bloated little mongrel body in the bucket.

Seriously. Why? I do not understand why the weird stuff always happens to me.

And now it’s not just the weird stuff, it’s the horror-movie, Twilight-Zone, can’t-sleep-because-you-think-you-hear-a-rat-scratching-the-bottom-of-the-bowl disgusting stuff.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

On a completely related note, I have to have surgery on my sinuses.

This does not make me happy. I went back to the doctor today, and he compared last month’s CAT Scan to this month’s CAT Scan, and although I’m feeling considerably better, my sinuses (especially in the back of my head) are actually worse.

So now I have to have put-you-under 3-hour endoscopic we’ll-try-not-to-sever-your-optic-nerve surgery. Some lovely you’ll-need-about-a-week-to-recover surgery. Basically, some I-really-don’t-have-the-time-to-deal-with-this-BS-surgery.

But alas, I’m going to do it. I don’t know when, but hopefully in December when I’m between terms for school. They’ll probably call tomorrow to schedule it.

Memo to myself: stop googling Sinus Surgery because you’ll end up reading scary stories like this. Or this.

I need a cocktail.

Can I get a HALLELUJAH?!?

This is the best damn day EVER. EVER.

Nananana, Nananana, Hey Hey Hey, GOOD-BYE!



********************************************************

********************************************************

Governor Ted Kulongoski: RE-ELECTED!!

Oregon Measure 41 : FAILED!!

Oregon Measure 48: FAILED!!

Oregon Library Levy: PASSED!!

Portland Public Schools: PASSED!!

Every damn thing I voted for/against: WENT MY WAY!!

********************************************************

Pass the champagne glasses, baby, it's time to celebrate!

CHEERS!!!

Baby, it's wet outside.

Bloody hell.

My goof-off time at work has gone down significantly in the last few days—I don’t know what the deal is, but suddenly everyone wants something from me! Don’t they realize that I don’t want to work all the time? Sheesh.

I finally saw The Devil Wears Prada this weekend, and I can now say that I was definitely entertained. Meryl Streep was of course fantastic, and Anne Hathaway did a pretty good job. I think they probably could have cast her part a little better, but I like her, so it was OK. I mean, she was in the Princess Diaries, which is a badass movie. She was also in Brokeback Mountain and shocked the hell out of me when she flung her top off to get it on with Jake Gyllenhaal. Lucky bitch. [whew, that was a lot of links]



ANYWAY. The movie was at the Laurelhurst Theater, which is always a fun time because all movies are 3 bucks and they serve Pizzacato pizza and beer! I mean, you can’t go wrong with that. And since it’s now lovely and Autumn-like, they had hard apple cider. Yum-O.



After the movie we headed up the street a bit to Wine Down, which was a completely adorable wine bar with fabulous desserts. Our waiter, Tim, was a very strange man, but he was nice and meant well. I can’t remember what kind of wine we had, but it was from España. Excelente.



Switching gears completely, what is UP with the downpour people?!? Yes, I know I live in Oregon, so I’m asking for it, but the last few days have been ridiculous. Last night on my way to class, everyone was driving like idiots. There was a lot of flooding and standing water so, naturally, there was some hydroplaning going on. What were they doing? Slamming on their brakes. Um, Rule #1 when you’re hydroplaning: don’t hit the brakes, idiot! Grrrr!

Luckily, I planned ahead for the craziness and left 15 minutes earlier than usual. Good thing I did, too, because I was just in time for class!



And today is November 7th. Which means it’s time to vote, people! We Oregonians are cool, so we have mail-in ballots, so naturally, I already voted. But if you’re in another part of the states, head the polls! There are some very vital decisions to be made, and we have to make them happen. So go vote. And if you don’t, I don’t want to hear a peep if things go to the crapper (some more).

My brush with fame

See, Tristan, I'm excited about it!

Apparently I made the front page of Digg with my stupid parking ticket story! I'm sure I'm not savvy enough to know how cool it really is, but I'm quite flattered that I'm on there.

I'm on the page for Offbeat News.

And you can see my entry here.

And even if they called me a dude (HELLO, it says Jennifer in the story), it's still pretty badass. :)

Why does it have to be so dark outside?

So no balls.

We searched for a couple of hours (half of which my little brother and sister spent “getting water because it will be easier to find them”), and eventually gave up the search.



So we decided to cheat. We drove over to this little shop down the highway that sells the glass floats. Bro and sis were kind of disappointed that we didn’t find any, so I figured we could buy a couple as consolation prizes.

WELL. We did find a couple to buy, but the guy at the shop informed me that the floats aren’t on the beach, they’re above the beach in the grassy areas hidden near rocks.

(!!!)

I’m sorry, did the Oregonian not say that the floats are hidden below the embankment and above the high tide line in the sand?? Is there any way to read that? I think not. So I was pretty annoyed. But we still had fun.

:::::::

The reason I went to the coast was actually because it’s my little sister’s 10th birthday today, so I wanted to go see her and give her her present. Also, I hadn’t seen the fam since before my birthday, so I figured now was a good time.

I bought her a little battery-operated pottery wheel with some air-drying clay and paints. She opened it and exclaimed with joy, “A POT-MAKING KIT!!”



I’m happy to say she didn’t understand why my parents and I were cracking up.

:::::::

The Halloween party I attended on Saturday night started out fun, but by the end of the night I thought I might murder my best friend. I don’t know what the hell was wrong with her, but she was out of control. Somehow she got pissed and started trying to ditch us in downtown Portland at 2 in the morning (drunk off her ass of course). I was sober (although at this point I wished I wasn’t), so that made it even more irritating. Long story short, she was ridiculous. I give her some credit because she actually apologized the next morning without me having to say a word, but it ruined the whole night. And that’s all I have to say about that.

:::::::

In other news, I bought new speakers for my car at Car Toys. No, I’m not going bumping down the road, I just needed new ones because the ones I had in there came with the car back in ’89. When they took them out, they showed them to me, and all I can say is “YUCK.” No wonder my music sounded crappy. But the new ones are lovely.



:::::::

Speaking of my car, one of my seat belts is broken (the part you click the belt into). So I called around to try and find one in a salvage lot or something (since my car’s an ’89). WELL, here is some news for you Honda owners out there. I discovered in my searching that Honda has a lifetime warranty on seatbelts! I went to a Honda dealer last night, and they are going to replace my seat belt and I don't have to pay a dime. I mean, I figured I'd get the part for free, but I don't even have to pay labor!

:::::::

And I got another @&#*%^ parking ticket from the University of Utah.

:::::::

Happy Halloween!

I'm looking for balls

...this weekend. On the beach. Get your mind outta the gutter.

No, seriously, I'm driving to the coast in a couple of hours to visit the fam as it is my little sister's tenth birthday. Yes, this makes me feel very old.

So while I'm there, I think I'll head north just a bit to Lincoln City, where they hide about 2,000 glass floats on the beach. I highly doubt I will actually find one, but it will be an adventure nonetheless.

In other news, I wrote a letter to the Vice President of Student Affairs at the University of Utah following yesterday's horror. I'll be sure to let you know if they ever actually contact me.

I'm not going to hold my breath.

On a much lighter note, my coworker sent me a link to this website today, and it had me rolling in hysterics on the floor.

I may not be the most fashionable gal out there, but I'm always broke and still look presentable. These people have more money than God and look horrible:



Ack!:



Anyway, it offered much entertainment, hopefully it will to you, too. :)

Happy Friday!

It's because I got mad at the NetZero lady, huh?

God got me.

My dad calls last night. “So how’s my little felon? Still on the lam?”

“Huh?”

“Have you checked your email?”

“No…”

“Well, I scanned a postcard you got in the mail today—you might want to check it out.”

Naturally, first thing this morning I check my email. I have a postcard from the University of Utah for a $22 parking ticket I got on my Toyota on October 3.

Whazzat?

1. I’ve never been to the University of Utah.
2. I have no affiliation whatsoever with the University of Utah.
3. I do not drive a Toyota.
4. I was definitely not in Utah on October 3.

This smells like trouble. Not only was my correct name on the card, but my address (well, my dad’s address). How on earth, praytell, could this have happened?

So I call Commuter Services in Utah this morning.

“Hi, I got a parking ticket notification in the mail, but I have no affiliation with the University and I wasn’t in Utah.”

“Oh…OK. Do you have the ticket number?”

I give him the ticket number.

“Yeah, that ticket was issued to you on October 3rd. It’s attached to your parking permit, you were parking in a no-parking zone.”

“No, no. You’re not listening to me. That wasn’t me. I’m not even in Utah. I’m in Oregon. I have no affiliation with your university. I don’t even drive a Toyota.”

“You don’t drive a Toyota?”

“No.”

“And you don’t go here?”

“No.”

“Have you ever registered or like, taken online classes? That could be why.”

“No, I. Am. In. Oregon.”

“OK, well my boss says she can take the ticket off your record and erase the permit.”

“That’s great, thanks, but the bigger issue here is how you have gotten my name in the first place?”

“Well, the ticket is attached to your account.”

“WHY do I have an account, that is what I’m asking you.”

“I don’t know, I can transfer you over to the registrar.”

“Wait, did you look me up and I am actually in your system?”

“Yeah, your student ID is ######.”

What. The. Hell.

So I get on the phone with the registar, whose phones, irritatingly enough, aren’t working properly today. They must have hung up on me about 3 times.

I replay the situation.

“So you got a parking ticket that shouldn’t have gone to you?”

“Right.”

“Well, let me transfer you to Commuter Services.”

“NO NO NO, I need to find out how your school even has me in your system. I’m worried that someone has stolen my identity.”

“It may just be someone with your name.”

“No, dear, you not only have my name, but you have my address. And my name is not common. I highly doubt there is another Jennifer _____ out there.”

“Oh. Hold on.”

[this is where they hang up on me a few times]

“OK, it appears that this record was created in 1999.”

What. The. Hell.

1999? 1999…..…. OH…1999.

That’s about when I would have been college hunting. And filling out eleventy jillion college info cards at college fairs. And ten’ll get you twenty that I must have filled one out for the University of Utah (NO idea why I would do such a thing—really, I filled them out for just about anywhere).

“OK, I may have filled out a card at a college fair.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll bet that’s why.”

“But I never even applied there, why would I go into your system?”

“Oh, we put everyone in the system.”

Mmmmkay…

“Well, can you take me out? I mean, it’s been 7 years, and I have no interest in the University of Utah.”
“No, we don’t delete people.”

“You’re telling me that the record was created 7 years ago, there has been zero activity with that account, and you won’t delete it?”

“Sorry, we can’t do that.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, sorry.”

“Can you guarantee that I will not be contacted by the University or have any other random ass parking tickets sent to me?”

“Well, someone probably just accidentally registered their permit using your ID number instead of their own.”

“Why are you calling it my ID number? It’s not mine. I have no desire for it to be mine.”

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Yeah, tell your school administrators that they’re a bunch of retards.” *

“What was that?”

“Bye.”


* No, I didn't really say that.

ZERO.

Why must this be such a hassle?

I finally decided that I needed a real internet connection at home. For several months I was using NetZero (which is horrible, by the way) since I wasn’t regularly using the net. I mean, why pay mucho moolah for something I don’t really need? [No comments about my shoe-buying problem, please] Anyway, so I order Qwest DSL.

I ordered the service on Thursday. It said it would be available today. So I look at my Netzero account, and my next billing cycle would also start today. So I went ahead and called on Thursday to cancel my account, figuring I wouldn’t really need shitty internet for the weekend, anyway.

“Thank you for calling NetZero, I understand you want to cancel this great service, may I please have the reason?”

Uh….I should not tell her it’s because it’s shitty because she’ll go into some tirade and transfer me to the “help” department instead of just canceling the blasted thing. “Yeah, I’m getting free wireless in my building, so I don’t need dial-up anymore.”

This is actually partly true. I do have access to free wireless in my building, but it’s about as good as NetZero. Plus, it’s regulated so any website that has words like “breast” or “sex” or “anal stimulation” (ok I made that last one up) won’t load. I seriously couldn’t get the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure (for breast cancer) page loaded.

“Oh…OK. So you want to cancel the service?”

“Yes” (haven’t we gone through this?)

“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, I’m going to sign you up for three months of free wireless service!”

“No, I don’t need wireless service. I already have wireless service. I just want to cancel my account.”

“Well, you can just have it for three months and then cancel it, you don’t have to keep it.”

“No, I already have wireless. Why would I need two wireless services?”

“Is your wireless available right now?”

“Yes!”

“Oh. Well for $4.95 you can keep your NetZero email address!”

“NO, I don’t use that address anyway. Although that doesn’t stop me from getting 17 ‘delivery failed’ email message every day. How do you suppose I get failed deliveries if I’m not even sending anything?”

Silence………. “Yes, I’ve heard that’s a glitch.”

Lovely.

“I can let you use the email address for 3 more months free if you like.”

“Please just cancel my account, I don’t want anything further from NetZero.”

“You know, we are the least expensive provider out there. Are you sure you don’t want to take a day or two to think it over?”

“No. And I know a cheaper provider. It’s called my apartment building and the cost is Zero dollars. You know Zero, like in your name, Net Zero?”

“Yes.”

“Please cancel my account.”

“OK, just hold on a moment while I get your confirmation number.”

“Alright.” …………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………

“Sorry it’s taking so long, our system is really busy today.”

“MMMKay…”

So basically what she’s saying is that everyone thinks NetZero is the shitter of internet services, and no one wants it anymore!

“Ma’am, I can sign you up for three months of free wireless service.”

PMS kicks in: “I. Do. Not. Want. Anything. From. NetZero. Anymore. No free wireless, no email address. No pretty pony with the NetZero logo painted on its side. Nothing. Please cancel it.”

“You don’t want your email address?”

[NO LADY, I DON’T WANT YOUR @&%^*@# SERVICE ANYMORE, CANCEL THE GODDAMN ACCOUNT! ]

“No, thank you.”

“OK, your confirmation number is ######. Have a nice day.”

Jenniper on the town

Oh, thanks all for the birthday wishes! :)


After too much fun this weekend, I just can’t get back into the groove of things. This definitely ranks up there among great birthdays (even if I’m as old as MTV).

Thursday, being my actual birthday, was a little hard to celebrate since I had work and class. But a friend of mine who also had a class that night met me at Le Happy, a fabulous little Creperie on 16th. I enjoyed an apple & gorgonzola crepe with a cocktail called “Here Kitty.” So even if I couldn’t party like it’s 1999, I still squeezed in some fun.



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Friday night was the night to go out with my best friends, and although it was fun, I have to admit they were kind of Debbie Downers. We had dinner at Salvador Molly’s, which is one of my fave places, which I think I probably mentioned pre-hijacking. They have “Pirate Cookin’” and some great drinks.



A tradition good ol Salvador & Molly started was that of the “Great Balls of Fire.” These are fried balls of pure hell, also known as habaneros. So Gordon, the man of the group that night, decided he wanted to try one. Having already knocked back a cocktail, I figured I’d join in on the fun. Not to be outdone, Gordon’s fiancé Jessica joined the bandwagon. So we ordered 3 Balls of Fire. I could only eat half before I thought I was going to die. Jessica had one bite and gave it up. Naturally, Gordon played macho and ate his without a problem. Then he ate Jessica’s. Then he ate the other half of mine.

After dinner we jaunted over to Kells, my favorite Irish pub in town. But since the rest of the clan was having Debbie Downer time, we only stayed for one drink and then left.



This was probably a good thing, seeing as how Gordon started feeling the effects of Habanero Hell and writhed in agony on my living room floor.

I had a hard time not laughing.

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Saturday night was probably the most fun. One of my old coworkers who moved to Eugene (I know, what was she thinking) came up for a night on the town with my other old coworker (who still lives here) and her girlfriend. So it was a girls’ night out.

We started the evening by attending the opening of a new chocolaterie downtown. It’s called Cacao Drink Chocolate, and it’s so new that I couldn’t find it on Citysearch (it’s on 13th). Anyway, this place was ridiculous. They have crazy chocolates from all over the world (I myself purchased a bar made in Ecuador & a Mayan cayenne pepper bar). They were also serving the most orgasmic hot drinking chocolate ever. No, really. Ever.

Our dinner reservations weren’t until 7:15, so we went to the bar upstairs from Cacao, called Masu. Masu is actually a sushi bar that apparently has terrible sushi. But their drinks were fabulous and it had a fun, swanky atmosphere. We also had a nudey show from an old man across the street who didn’t close his blinds. He must have been about 60, and was obviously getting ready for a night on the town. Button-up shirt, a spray of cologne. It was quite entertaining.



After pre-dinner chocolate and pre-dinner drinks, we were off to Patanegra, a restaurant in Northwest that specializes in Spanish tapas. Yum. We must have ordered about 11 different tapas and a bottle of wine. Needless to say, we were stuffed to the gills. We must have been there for at least two and a half hours.



We were so delightfully full that we took a stroll down the neighborhood for a bit, ending the night with a café au lait.

All in all, it was a great 25th.

Joining the Quarter Century Club

25.

Man, I'm old.

Get ready, Portland. The Party Bus is coming to town!

Schneikies

Good attempt at my ridiculous movie quotes. Tristan obviously won, but it was a valiant effort by all! I went ahead and added the answers in case you’re just dying to know them, as I know you all are!

I have a book recommendation for you all. The World is Flat, by Thomas Friedman, is really interesting. He published The Lexus and the Olive Tree back around 2000 or so. He’s somewhat of a globalization expert, but his writing is really excellent. He’s also a journalist, which I think helps him write well.

I also can’t stop listening to KT Tunstall’s album, “Eye to the Telescope.” It’s been a while since a female solo artist caught my attention (I don’t know why, but usually it’s the menfolk that I like to listen to). The best songs on the album are definitely “Stopping the Love” and “Heal Over.” So whenever you feel like chillin with some chick music, I’d recommend a listen.


And I bought a lovely wallet that I didn’t need and couldn’t afford, but I don’t care so what are you going to do about it?? Isn’t it pretty? I got the blue one.


In other news, just how hard did this dude have to hit that painting to actually puncture it? I demand a study on this, as I am quite horrified.

In other other news, I’m feeling a bit snobbish today because about 10 of my classmates have done their debates for class, and I’m really just not impressed. I mean, I know it isn’t a cutthroat debate by any means, but some gusto wouldn’t hurt! Of course I’m probably jinxing myself and I’ll get a crappy grade on Monday when I do mine. Humph.

In other other other news, I re-potted my two plants in my office, and they’re already looking a little perkier. I am not a domestic goddess. I can cook and I can clean, but that’s about it. I don’t sew, I don’t make miraculous furniture arrangements that look like Trading Spaces attacked, and I do not have a green thumb. I kill plants regularly. I finally just bought some silk flowers (that look totally real, by the way), and they’re much prettier and low maintenance.



OK, that’s enough rambling. Off I go!